Ever Had One of Those Days?

I'm sure that we've all had moments like this. Being that I'm still somewhat lacking on that ability to see a trial as a blessing, this is my typical response when life isn't what I want it to be. Today, this is how I'm feeling about the 4-hr long classes I have back to back this week . . .

This image was taken off Engrish.com - which is one of my all-time favorite sites. You should visit it!!

Ahhhh - FIRE!!

When I hear “fire drill,” I think of two things. 1) The “Chinese” variety we did in high school when everyone in the car would jump out and run around it at a red light. 2) Elementary school. Now, I know that I’ve been in fire drills since then, but those times stick out (well, and the one time some yahoo at the MTC thought it would be funny to pull the alarm just before it was lights out – burn in Hades whoever you are!).

Here at Gateway Office Tower 2, we take safety seriously. Everyone has a 72 hr kit at their desk, emergency contact into on their person, etc. A few weeks ago, we had a “walk through” where we learned how and where to evacuate to. And a warning – sometime in June there will be a surprise drill. Oh goodie!

Well, sometime ended up being last week. But even better . . . I was in the exercise center just down from my desk when this happened. So, there I am all gross from exercising, in my ever so attractive gym wear when the alarm sounds. Great. I get to quickly grab my badge (so I can get through the locked door back to my office), meet my office team, and head out to the Grand Hall at the Union Pacific Depot where the entire building is meeting. That’s a lot of people – about 6 floors worth. They’re all in their business casual attire. I’m in gym clothes. I felt like someone should be singing the Sesame Street "One of these things is not like the other" tune. The nice secretary came up to me and said, "Brian, I'm pretty sure it's not casual Friday."

The best part was the I was almost done with my exercise routine. This means that I was about . . . maybe 3 minutes from being in the shower. And let me tell you, I would not have evacuated in the buff - or even a towel for that matter. The fire would have had to wait for me to finish my shower, dry off, and get dressed before it killed me. Luckily there was no fire. But, I'm sure that me taking the time to wash and dress would have been detrimental to the overall time it took for the building to clear out.

So, for any fire out there planning my death, I guess the best time to get me would be while I'm showering. I'd rather die than be seen in public in any form of undress. (Well, I just cleared exhibitionist from my possible life route -- so I guess there was some benefit in this experience.)

iPod + Crazy Friends = Good Times

So, I don’t typically get lost in memories. For the most part, the past is the past – and I want it to stay there. I guess while I may be optimistic for the future, I have a pattern of seeing the past with great pessimism. So, when I think back to high school, the mission, BYU, etc . . . I typically think, “Great oogeley moogely, I’m glad that’s over!”

There have been a few euphoric memories of late. I blame country music (no, that actually has reason . . . read on).

I listen to my iPod most of the time I listen to music. I have it connected to my car’s CD receiver, so it’s essentially a hard drive for my car. I also have it when I’m exercising. The only times I’m not listening to the iPod is in the morning (when the bathroom radio is set to 101.9 theend’s morning show) and when I’m at the computer (when I’m listening to the same music on iTunes).

So, I have a limited amount of music I cycle through (well, 18 gigs – but I get stuck on my favorite playlists a lot). Occasionally, I want to listen to music I don’t hear often . . . which often means I put it on the country genre. (Yes, I do like country occasionally.) This last week I was in country land for a few days. Two songs triggered actual happy memories of days past.

First, it was “Cold Day in June” by the Dixie Chicks (yes, I like the Dixie Chicks – in moderation). Instantly, I was back in high school, cruising around with my good friend, Haven. Now, why might this song remind me of her? Well, you see, when this song played on the radio a lot, we had a “routine” that went with it. We would do overly dramatic hand hand/arm gestures with the storyline (think Celine Dion in “My Heart Will Go On”). Yes, it was retarded. Yes, I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit it. But this is what Haven and I did. I remember when we were REALLY young and both got rollerblades we started making choreographies to some of our favorite songs. Think Ice Dancing on rollerblades. Gosh, those must have been horrible. And we always made Haven’s parents watch them. And they always encouraged/supported it. Now, THAT’S a sign of a good parent. Either way, I can’t listen to “Cold Day in June” without wanting to channel my inner “Celine” and belt it out like I did with Haven. Man, I miss that crazy girl! She now lives in Logan and works as a corrections deputy and firefighter. I think she needs to come visit me. :P

The second synaptic misfiring song was “Goodbye Earl” also by the Dixie Chicks (what can I say, my friends are as weird as me). This song makes think of the above mentioned Haven, her brother Hawken (don’t even ask – their parents went with more original names – but I love ‘em), and our good friend Katie. Now, the story of this song is a little different. Yes, we loved it. Every time it would play we would blast it and sing (well, scream) along. But, that’s not all. I heard rumor that the trio decided one day to make a “music video” to the song. So, Hawken was the unlucky Earl that Katie & Haven got to snuff out. I also heard that it also included some interesting “interpretive dancing” by Katie. Now, I was never allowed to see said video. I think they were too embarrassed to show the public. But, I can imagine it. And it’s pretty good in my head. And now, I miss Katie too. She up and ran away with her husband and son because apparently he had to get a PhD in another state. And now she’s going to have another kid . . . far from us. But, regardless of where she is, I’ll always have the Dixie Chicks induced synaptic misfiring.

In conclusion – if my old friends read this – I MISS YOU. And thanks for giving me rays of joy (no matter how insane) in the otherwise hit-and-miss memories.

Julie: "Let the sick kids die"

So, the other day Julie and I were hanging out with my good friend (and hopefully future boss) Chris. We chatted at home for a while (poor Chris, he always seems to come over when Julie and I are in "odd and possibly inappropriate" conversation mode - wait, we're always like this). Anyhoo, recently I have been frustrated that I still do not know of some really good "hole-in-the-wall" mom & pop restaurants to replace my old Utah County favorites (I have found that I'm not feeling the love for the chain places much as of late). Particularly, really good Mexican food. I'm also a bit bewildered that our downstairs neighbors (who both grew up in this city) don't know anything either. So, Julie researched into the restaurant down the street and we decided to give it a try (hey, if I can find an online coupon, I'll try anything - well, almost).

Salsa Leedo's = mediocre. The food was ok. The service was "meh." Some of the staff qualified as "skody" -- which is a good ole Spanish Fork term for trashy/ucky. I thought the food would be worth repeat (at least while I search for my new favorite) - but Julie was no happy. The server told her that the chile verde sauce was not spicy at all . . . and her mouth was on fire as she ate (sidebar: since chemo, Julie can't do spicy. It kicks her trash). I DID like the fact that the drink cups were almost big enough to fit 2 liters. I DO love my Pepsi.

After the dinner, Chris asked if either of us were interested in seeing the new Narnia movie. Well, Julie LOVES Narnia. So, heck yeah. We went to the theatre right behind the restaurant. Well, the first 30 min while in the theatre were ads. Mostly for Verizon. It almost was like a movie/advertisement. Kinda odd. Well, the last ad was for Children's Miracle Network. It was all warm and fuzzy "help the kids" "work miracles" etc etc. Well at the end, in her "not too quiet" voice, Julie did a big raspberry and enthusiastic two thumbs down. Now, I know that she has an old friend that worked there and was somewhat unhappy about their business ethics. However, the rest of the people in the theatre don't know that. They just know that after a moving, heart-warming spot encouraging people to donate to make miracles happen for terminally ill children, some wack-job crazy lady boo'ed it. She should have just stood up and shouted "Let all the sick children die! Who cares about them, anyway?! Survival of the strongest!! Wahoo!!" It would have had the same effect.

FUNNIEST THING EVER

So, Vanessa and I were just watching a "blooper" show on TV. This clip was on there. We both lost it. Sorry the You Tube quality is poor (looks like someone just pointed the camera at their TV - but it's still FUNNY).

Rice Crispie Elephant

This was from Momma Cindy's b-day back in Feb . . . but I have yet to post it. Actually, it took a LONG time to get it from the camera to the computer . . .

I am obsessed with monkeys. Mom is obsessed with elephants. Julie was making a cake - but we couldn't figure out how to make an elephant cake. So, being that I have watched my share of cake decorating contests on the Food Network (talk about not helping my own hetero street cred there . . . ) I thought . . . they often mold with rice crispie. That can't be so hard. I mean, I LOVE rice crispies. And they're gooey and stickey. Should work.

After a few hours and 3 BATCHES of rice crispie treats . . . this was the result.


Needless to say, mom LOVED it. It was a big hit at the Sunday gathering. However, due to the fact that you have to COMPACT the stuff for it to keep shape, eating it was not as enjoyable as I had hoped. But, I guess they always say that eating an elephant is a large chore!

My Post-LDSFS Rebellion

So, since I was done with LDS Family Services, I thought that I should do something with my new-found freedom. Yeah, they made me look like a missionary. Short hair, clean shaven, and daily shirt & tie. I'm not a huge fan of that much control. I like being able do look more "wild." So, I decided to celebrate with a new hair style.

When I graduated from BYU, I started growing my hair out. It got pretty long - I even highlighted it once. I liked it.

This is me with Katie's son, Jaser.

Then LDSFS came into the pic. So, I had to cut it off. I still had fun when I wasn't at work, doing things such as the faux-hawk. As can be seen from our trip to vegas.


Similarly, I decided to shake things up now that I no longer have to be LDSFS-approved. So, I went to the Taylor Andrews Academy in West Jordan for some STYLE. I decided to go for the faux-hawk look + coloring. I think it turned out well . . .


I appologize for those who have seen me in the last month, and find that this is old news. I thought that my peeps that have exiled from Utah might be interested. Besides, I REALLY liked the cut and color, so I best keep proof for future generations. This actually happened like 5 weeks ago, and it's time for me to get it trimmed again.

GRADUATION PICS

So, everyone knows I'm a slacker. After ONE month . . . I've finally got grad pics online. They are here. You can look. Nothing too exciting. But I AM glad that it's over!!

Clay Aiken did WHAT?!

Maybe it's better that little David A. didn't win Idol. I mean, where you look at some of the previous "losers" - some have arrived at quite some notoriety. Let's take Clay Aiken for example. He was 2nd Place (or biggest loser, whichever way you want to see it) a few seasons back. Ruben Studdard, the winner . . . nobody knows what has become of him. I think that he was massacred by a demonic zombie Reuben sandwich that I believe Mr. Studdard was named after. I could be wrong though. I think my only "source" on that one was a banana-driven nightmare that I had a while back.

Anyway, little impish David has a great role model of what to do after one loses Idol. Keep plugging away and ride that fame train for as long as you can. And if people aren't captivated by your music anymore, you can always play the "Are You Gay" game with the media, eventually declaring yourself as asexual (from lack of time . . . ) and fathering a test-tube baby with a 50 year old music producer. To quote my favorite-movie-of-time, 10 Things I Hate About You, I believe this would place Clay as a resident of Planet "Look at me! Look at me!!" I know when I was feeling like the ugly-duckling unpopular kid in high school, I always turned to pharmaceutical baby-making with soon-to-be senior citizens.

Now, this is freaky for several reasons. First, Clay Aiken has reproduced. But instead of the "falling in love and getting down with it" kind of reproduction, he chose the "Dixie Cup" variety. With someone old enough to be his own mother. So, not only does this place Clay out of "asexual" but into a whole new variety of creepy-sexuality. As I said to Julie, this does little for his "hetero street cred." I mean, what kind of straight man wants the public to believe that he's A) completely lacking any sexual drive and B) would choose the Dixie Cup over an actual woman.

David Archuleta, you have some pretty big shoes to fill. If I were you, I'd take tips from Daughtry instead of Clay (or Clay Gaykin as Clark refers to him, according to Laurel).

(Side bar, Julie laughed at me for a long time after I coined the term "hetero street cred." I kinda like it. I might trademark it, so pay me money if you even think of using it. In retrospect, I blame the term on the fact that I've wandered into reruns of Will & Grace on TV and somehow channeled the character, Jack. I know, I shouldn't like that show, but I do. Sue me. Actually, upon discussing names once, Julie and I happened into realizing that we had selected the entire 4-person ensemble as the names for our future children - William & Jack after my grandfathers, Karen after a family friend of Juile, and Grace after an awesome Ben Folds song, written for his own daughter named Gracie. Maybe we'll name the dog Rosario)

President Bush Visits Utah

So, apparently President Bush came to visit Utah recently. I guess he was trying to get Utahans to give him money (as if his connections to the oil industry have left him feeling the pinch of the downturned economy . . . wait, the news media would not like me to say we are in a recession. There is no recession. Just like there is no rice/food shortage in the world. Yeah, keep eating your Big Macs and watching your Plasmas with the Stimulus Package the government is sending our way. I mean, we wouldn't get a Stimulus Package if the economy was down . . . it's just a bonus for us being such an awesome country. I guess the news media also doesn't want us to think about the fact that gas prices continue to rise while an oil baron is in the white house. Yeah, that's just an unlucky coincidence. I'm sure that Pres. Bush has been true in his 2005/6 State of the Union Address when he promised to reduce our dependence on Middle East oil by like 25% -- good thing that the far minority of oil we use comes from Iraq, and most comes from South America. Way to promise to reduce oil dependence by like overall 2%. I mean, I LOVE spending 25% of my paycheck to be able to make it back to work the next day).

Now, for those of you that know my political orientation (can we say Democrat), you may be wondering why I know about the Pres' visit. Was I interested AT ALL? Nope. Was I excited that our President was coming to mooch money off of the Utahan public? Nope. I only knew this because of A) KSL told me. (Sidebar, my temp job doesn't keep me busy the entire 40 hrs/week I'm there, so I have a lot of time that I spend on KSL, Google News, and Wikipedia). And 2) one of the bosses at UCAT (also named Brian - we're good people) called while he was coming into work the other day to ask if I could get the phone number of the Utah Highway Patrol to see why the entire freeway was shut down. Come to find out, it was for Pres Bush's motorcade back to the airport. I guess we need to prevent 1/2 of Salt Lake Valley getting to work on time because the president is going to catch a private flight.

So, I was thinking about this. Being that President Bush's approval rating is worse that that for the Herp, I was wondering what kind of terrorist would want to off him at this point? I mean, he's pretty much a lame duck already. We have a few more months left with him in office. What's more . . . I think we're pretty much worse off the longer he's in office. If I were an enemy of the US, I would be praying that somehow President Bush found a way to stay in office LONGER. That would make more sense. Perhaps if someone really wanted to keep us down for the count, they could find way for Bush to run in 08 as a black woman. Maybe the people who made all those Eddie Murphy movies. Beyond that, if something were to happen to Pres Bush, we'd then have Cheney. And let's be honest. If he doesn't like a foreign power, he'll just mistake it for a duck and blast away. But next time he would likely have a nuclear weapon and not just a shotgun. (Sidebar, why is the Penguin our Vice President anyway? No wonder that Bat Signal has been MIA for some time.) Either way . . . I see that keeping Bush in office would be in the best interest of Osama or the Teletubbies at this point. Not to mention, I think that maybe Zebras would be a better idea for security on this one. Let's announce where the president is, then make him the only person on the road for miles. Looks like a pretty obvious bulls-eye to me, and I don't mean the Target variety.

The Library Makes me Uncomfortable

So, a while back, Julie and I were in Seagull Book looking for Mother's Day presents. I was looking in the "self-help" section at various books. I like looking at what is out there, so I have possibilities to refer to my clients I work with. Well, I made a list of the books I wanted to read to expand my therapy knowledge base. I then went to the Salt Lake County Library website and placed holds on said books. I LOVE the county library system up here. Just request a book ANYWHERE in the system and they transfer it to your local library and hold it for you. It's a good thing.

So, I get an email telling me 3 of my books are ready. So, I wander to the library one day after work to get the books. Well the three that were read were 1) Confronting Pornography 2) Happiness is a Choice and 3) In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction. Like I said, these seemed like good books to read to expand my theoretical framework of therapy. However, when I went to the counter with these 3 books, I started to think what this combination looks like . . . Pornography Addiction + Depression + LDS Same Sex Attraction. Wow. That's an awesome combination. I have to be honest, I felt a little shy/embarrassed at first. But, then I thought . . . I have nothing to be embarrassed of. I can read any book I want. Not to mention that I try to convince my clients that they need not be embarrassed of their imperfections/problems. So, I held my head high and look the young man straight in the eye while he checked out the books that made me look like a religious man addicted to gay porn.

It was still uncomfortable.

Ongoings of the Brian

For those of you who are wondering what is going on in my life . . . I will let you know!! So, since the joys of graduation (FAKE graduation, that is . . . The U likes to dangle the thought of being done in front of me for my last semester there), life hasn't been too crazy. Hence the lack of blogs. This is my life: work, sleep, eating. That's it. I'm working PT for a company called Clinical Consultants teaching classes at the Day Reporting Center for Adult Probation and Parole. I teach the convicts such fun as substance abuse (how NOT to do it), parenting (how NOT to screw over your kids), life skills (why their lives have been less that successful), and anger management (how NOT to let your fists do the talking). Honestly, not my cup of tea. I prefer to use my therapy skills to help people who are more invested in changing - and don't think they already have the world figured out (which, if that is the case, why are you seen as a danger in society). However, I do like the job. It's just not what I'd like to to long-term full-time (but being that I still can't get my higher license yet . . . gotta do something.

After about 2 weeks of near unemployment life, I found a Full-Time work endeavor as a temp at the Utah College of Applied Technology. I'm working as the Administrative Assistant to the President. It's a pretty good gig. They like me (would probably keep me if I applied . . . but being a secretary isn't what I had in mind when I went to get my masters). The office is located at The Gateway which is a pretty nice place to work. The company "gym" is just down the hall from my desk, so it's also nice to be able to spend my lunch hour exercising. I've decided that I actually find physical exercise quite easy to do when it's A) less than 50 feet from my current location and B) doesn't require me to get up early or come home late. I also LOVE the location because just a few weeks before I started there TRAX finished the extension so there is a stop right in front of the office. This means I drive only 3 miles to the Midvale Trax Station and then ride in comfort to downtown. I've already read 3.5 Narnia books in the 3 weeks I have worked there. AND BEST OF ALL, I drive the same distance in ONE week that I was going in ONE day when I was working between the U and LDSFS in Am Fork. Being that it now costs $50+ to fill my car . . . this is an incredible bonus. I'm supposed to continue working at UCAT for another week until my classes start (the ONE week of classes June 9-13) -- but I have the feeling I might come back after that week because I don't think they have found the permanent replacement yet. I'd be OK with that. As far as temp jobs go, I couldn't ask for better. If they don't need me back, I'll go back to the UTemps service and find something on campus to work at until I officially graduate. It's all good.

Other ongoings of Brian . . . a few weeks back we had a belated graduation party at the "Big House" belonging to our friend, Kenton. I had a bunch of my school friends and some of Julie's friends up to the house where we had a bbq. It was hecka fun. Memorable moments: A) my friends reactions to the "tour" of the MASSIVE house. It's like 9000 sq. ft. with such insanity as a hydrospa hot tub with built-in DVD/Plasma TV, ginormous theatre room, and mountain top views of the Salt Lake Valley and mountains. It's right next to the new Draper LDS Temple. B) Playing Rock Band on the very large projection system in the theatre room. HECKA FUN. I think that we'll have to go up for another movie/x-box party . . . It's nice to have contacts. :P

Update on the Spider Bites . . . they've healed. No horridly hideous wounds on my arms. However, there are still faint marks left. It actually looks like "track marks" from IV drug use. So, for a while I was wearing long sleeves at my substance abuse job -- didn't want my clients to think I had fallen off the wagon. I like to think of myself as a walking anti-drug campaign (probably not a very good one, though).