So, a while back, Julie and I were in Seagull Book looking for Mother's Day presents. I was looking in the "self-help" section at various books. I like looking at what is out there, so I have possibilities to refer to my clients I work with. Well, I made a list of the books I wanted to read to expand my therapy knowledge base. I then went to the Salt Lake County Library website and placed holds on said books. I LOVE the county library system up here. Just request a book ANYWHERE in the system and they transfer it to your local library and hold it for you. It's a good thing.
So, I get an email telling me 3 of my books are ready. So, I wander to the library one day after work to get the books. Well the three that were read were 1) Confronting Pornography 2) Happiness is a Choice and 3) In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction. Like I said, these seemed like good books to read to expand my theoretical framework of therapy. However, when I went to the counter with these 3 books, I started to think what this combination looks like . . . Pornography Addiction + Depression + LDS Same Sex Attraction. Wow. That's an awesome combination. I have to be honest, I felt a little shy/embarrassed at first. But, then I thought . . . I have nothing to be embarrassed of. I can read any book I want. Not to mention that I try to convince my clients that they need not be embarrassed of their imperfections/problems. So, I held my head high and look the young man straight in the eye while he checked out the books that made me look like a religious man addicted to gay porn.
It was still uncomfortable.
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6 comments:
I have a young friend who used to work at Deseret Book until about a month ago. He and I are both same-sex attracted. Regardless of your motivations for buying the IQD book, the fact that you did makes us happy. I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable. Someday I hope no one will feel that when discussing or researching the topics that we wish more people understood the way we do, first hand.
Bwahaha! That's awesome. I'm laughing with you -- what a great experience.
Samantha-
I too hope that someday those with SSA won't feel the shame they currently do. Honestly, it's a sad statement that although I feel quite accepting and non-judgmental of others that my first feeling was embarrassment.
Actually, we don't feel shame, we feel ostracized. We understand that the feelings come, regardless of what we would choose. We understand that it is up to us what to do with those feelings. It would be nice, however, to be able to talk about it without being attacked or given responsibility for the culmination of Armageddon. :)
Again, I appreciate your willingness to read, regardless of the discomfort. Should you enjoy, IQD, the Matises host a Family Home evening the first Monday of each month for those with SSA and those who would like to learn more about it, and Ty, I, and other friends have begun a new website called "Northstar" for those with SSA (and family and friends) who wish to continue to live faithfully in the LDS church. It's worth a visit.
I'm not quite sure that 'ostracized' is a true feeling word (more like a condition or situation -- which would likely illicit feelings of shame, sadness, anger, etc). :P However, I do feel that it's a more appropriate term because it would relay the greater emotional breadth.
As for the "given responsibility for the culmination of Armageddon" - I can completely agree with that one. While serving my time at BYU, more than once I found myself in a classroom discussion that was more than offensive. I'm so glad I found the 'true' school to the north. :P
I actually stumbled onto Northstar after doing some research into the authors of IQD. It looks like a very good resource, and I'm glad to know that it exists.
I just found another great book on the subject of same-sex attraction: Helping LDS Men Resolve their Homosexual Problems: A Guide from Family, Friends, and Church Leaders. It's by Jason Park and also available at Deseret Book.
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