Clay Aiken did WHAT?!

Maybe it's better that little David A. didn't win Idol. I mean, where you look at some of the previous "losers" - some have arrived at quite some notoriety. Let's take Clay Aiken for example. He was 2nd Place (or biggest loser, whichever way you want to see it) a few seasons back. Ruben Studdard, the winner . . . nobody knows what has become of him. I think that he was massacred by a demonic zombie Reuben sandwich that I believe Mr. Studdard was named after. I could be wrong though. I think my only "source" on that one was a banana-driven nightmare that I had a while back.

Anyway, little impish David has a great role model of what to do after one loses Idol. Keep plugging away and ride that fame train for as long as you can. And if people aren't captivated by your music anymore, you can always play the "Are You Gay" game with the media, eventually declaring yourself as asexual (from lack of time . . . ) and fathering a test-tube baby with a 50 year old music producer. To quote my favorite-movie-of-time, 10 Things I Hate About You, I believe this would place Clay as a resident of Planet "Look at me! Look at me!!" I know when I was feeling like the ugly-duckling unpopular kid in high school, I always turned to pharmaceutical baby-making with soon-to-be senior citizens.

Now, this is freaky for several reasons. First, Clay Aiken has reproduced. But instead of the "falling in love and getting down with it" kind of reproduction, he chose the "Dixie Cup" variety. With someone old enough to be his own mother. So, not only does this place Clay out of "asexual" but into a whole new variety of creepy-sexuality. As I said to Julie, this does little for his "hetero street cred." I mean, what kind of straight man wants the public to believe that he's A) completely lacking any sexual drive and B) would choose the Dixie Cup over an actual woman.

David Archuleta, you have some pretty big shoes to fill. If I were you, I'd take tips from Daughtry instead of Clay (or Clay Gaykin as Clark refers to him, according to Laurel).

(Side bar, Julie laughed at me for a long time after I coined the term "hetero street cred." I kinda like it. I might trademark it, so pay me money if you even think of using it. In retrospect, I blame the term on the fact that I've wandered into reruns of Will & Grace on TV and somehow channeled the character, Jack. I know, I shouldn't like that show, but I do. Sue me. Actually, upon discussing names once, Julie and I happened into realizing that we had selected the entire 4-person ensemble as the names for our future children - William & Jack after my grandfathers, Karen after a family friend of Juile, and Grace after an awesome Ben Folds song, written for his own daughter named Gracie. Maybe we'll name the dog Rosario)