This is why old people scare me . . .

For those who know me well, you know that I'm terrified of old people. You just never know what you're going to get. They may crack you up - or they may crack your skull! Take this for example:



This old lady, though - she goes in the "crack you up" category. However, if you get some Listerine in her, I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to crack your skull too!!

TV Wouldn't Lie . . .

I trust TV. I mean, really. We've been good friends for as long as I can remember. Actually, I don't have any live friends that have been around for as long as TV. Not to mention, as loyal. TV never tells me it's too busy to hang out - or has other plans. Nope. I just make sure to plug it into the power source and satellite - and we're good. Always there, always provides a good time. :) Friends like this don't lie. That's why I undoubtedly trust TV.

So, TV tells me that people who pay to go to a gym are sexier that people who sit at home. Gym commercials show toned people with like 3% body fat - while the couch potatoes . . . well, they have no tone and decidedly much higher body fat. TV also tells me that I need to look like the gym folks. If I look like that, my life will be happier and much easier. No problems. Just be toned and the world will fall at your feet. This is too sweet to pass up.

TV has convinced me to join the gym. Now, not the gym where all the super hot people are on TV. I chose the city rec center (cause it's hecka cheaper). Still, it has all the thingies that go round and that heavy stuff people grunt at. I'm not sure what it's all for. BUT, I do know that know I have a membership pass, I'm going to be hecka sexy with a toned body and 3% body fat. I'm sure of it. Cause on TV, all the people who pay for memberships are like this. TV doesn't lie.

It's been two days. I still feel the same. Maybe there's a problem with the rec center. I should complain.

All Hail Stephen Colbert

I have to admit, that the Colbert Report is one of my favorite shoes. Seriously. I could watch it all day long. Well, now that I am going to have some time on my hands until UTemps finds me a new assignment (or I find a real FT job - I'm not choosy) . . . maybe I will watch it all day long. Thanks to Hulu and the marvels of the internet, I can! I was just watching this on Comedy Central -- and it's way too funny not to post!!

Ever Had One of Those Days?

I'm sure that we've all had moments like this. Being that I'm still somewhat lacking on that ability to see a trial as a blessing, this is my typical response when life isn't what I want it to be. Today, this is how I'm feeling about the 4-hr long classes I have back to back this week . . .

This image was taken off Engrish.com - which is one of my all-time favorite sites. You should visit it!!

Ahhhh - FIRE!!

When I hear “fire drill,” I think of two things. 1) The “Chinese” variety we did in high school when everyone in the car would jump out and run around it at a red light. 2) Elementary school. Now, I know that I’ve been in fire drills since then, but those times stick out (well, and the one time some yahoo at the MTC thought it would be funny to pull the alarm just before it was lights out – burn in Hades whoever you are!).

Here at Gateway Office Tower 2, we take safety seriously. Everyone has a 72 hr kit at their desk, emergency contact into on their person, etc. A few weeks ago, we had a “walk through” where we learned how and where to evacuate to. And a warning – sometime in June there will be a surprise drill. Oh goodie!

Well, sometime ended up being last week. But even better . . . I was in the exercise center just down from my desk when this happened. So, there I am all gross from exercising, in my ever so attractive gym wear when the alarm sounds. Great. I get to quickly grab my badge (so I can get through the locked door back to my office), meet my office team, and head out to the Grand Hall at the Union Pacific Depot where the entire building is meeting. That’s a lot of people – about 6 floors worth. They’re all in their business casual attire. I’m in gym clothes. I felt like someone should be singing the Sesame Street "One of these things is not like the other" tune. The nice secretary came up to me and said, "Brian, I'm pretty sure it's not casual Friday."

The best part was the I was almost done with my exercise routine. This means that I was about . . . maybe 3 minutes from being in the shower. And let me tell you, I would not have evacuated in the buff - or even a towel for that matter. The fire would have had to wait for me to finish my shower, dry off, and get dressed before it killed me. Luckily there was no fire. But, I'm sure that me taking the time to wash and dress would have been detrimental to the overall time it took for the building to clear out.

So, for any fire out there planning my death, I guess the best time to get me would be while I'm showering. I'd rather die than be seen in public in any form of undress. (Well, I just cleared exhibitionist from my possible life route -- so I guess there was some benefit in this experience.)

iPod + Crazy Friends = Good Times

So, I don’t typically get lost in memories. For the most part, the past is the past – and I want it to stay there. I guess while I may be optimistic for the future, I have a pattern of seeing the past with great pessimism. So, when I think back to high school, the mission, BYU, etc . . . I typically think, “Great oogeley moogely, I’m glad that’s over!”

There have been a few euphoric memories of late. I blame country music (no, that actually has reason . . . read on).

I listen to my iPod most of the time I listen to music. I have it connected to my car’s CD receiver, so it’s essentially a hard drive for my car. I also have it when I’m exercising. The only times I’m not listening to the iPod is in the morning (when the bathroom radio is set to 101.9 theend’s morning show) and when I’m at the computer (when I’m listening to the same music on iTunes).

So, I have a limited amount of music I cycle through (well, 18 gigs – but I get stuck on my favorite playlists a lot). Occasionally, I want to listen to music I don’t hear often . . . which often means I put it on the country genre. (Yes, I do like country occasionally.) This last week I was in country land for a few days. Two songs triggered actual happy memories of days past.

First, it was “Cold Day in June” by the Dixie Chicks (yes, I like the Dixie Chicks – in moderation). Instantly, I was back in high school, cruising around with my good friend, Haven. Now, why might this song remind me of her? Well, you see, when this song played on the radio a lot, we had a “routine” that went with it. We would do overly dramatic hand hand/arm gestures with the storyline (think Celine Dion in “My Heart Will Go On”). Yes, it was retarded. Yes, I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit it. But this is what Haven and I did. I remember when we were REALLY young and both got rollerblades we started making choreographies to some of our favorite songs. Think Ice Dancing on rollerblades. Gosh, those must have been horrible. And we always made Haven’s parents watch them. And they always encouraged/supported it. Now, THAT’S a sign of a good parent. Either way, I can’t listen to “Cold Day in June” without wanting to channel my inner “Celine” and belt it out like I did with Haven. Man, I miss that crazy girl! She now lives in Logan and works as a corrections deputy and firefighter. I think she needs to come visit me. :P

The second synaptic misfiring song was “Goodbye Earl” also by the Dixie Chicks (what can I say, my friends are as weird as me). This song makes think of the above mentioned Haven, her brother Hawken (don’t even ask – their parents went with more original names – but I love ‘em), and our good friend Katie. Now, the story of this song is a little different. Yes, we loved it. Every time it would play we would blast it and sing (well, scream) along. But, that’s not all. I heard rumor that the trio decided one day to make a “music video” to the song. So, Hawken was the unlucky Earl that Katie & Haven got to snuff out. I also heard that it also included some interesting “interpretive dancing” by Katie. Now, I was never allowed to see said video. I think they were too embarrassed to show the public. But, I can imagine it. And it’s pretty good in my head. And now, I miss Katie too. She up and ran away with her husband and son because apparently he had to get a PhD in another state. And now she’s going to have another kid . . . far from us. But, regardless of where she is, I’ll always have the Dixie Chicks induced synaptic misfiring.

In conclusion – if my old friends read this – I MISS YOU. And thanks for giving me rays of joy (no matter how insane) in the otherwise hit-and-miss memories.

Julie: "Let the sick kids die"

So, the other day Julie and I were hanging out with my good friend (and hopefully future boss) Chris. We chatted at home for a while (poor Chris, he always seems to come over when Julie and I are in "odd and possibly inappropriate" conversation mode - wait, we're always like this). Anyhoo, recently I have been frustrated that I still do not know of some really good "hole-in-the-wall" mom & pop restaurants to replace my old Utah County favorites (I have found that I'm not feeling the love for the chain places much as of late). Particularly, really good Mexican food. I'm also a bit bewildered that our downstairs neighbors (who both grew up in this city) don't know anything either. So, Julie researched into the restaurant down the street and we decided to give it a try (hey, if I can find an online coupon, I'll try anything - well, almost).

Salsa Leedo's = mediocre. The food was ok. The service was "meh." Some of the staff qualified as "skody" -- which is a good ole Spanish Fork term for trashy/ucky. I thought the food would be worth repeat (at least while I search for my new favorite) - but Julie was no happy. The server told her that the chile verde sauce was not spicy at all . . . and her mouth was on fire as she ate (sidebar: since chemo, Julie can't do spicy. It kicks her trash). I DID like the fact that the drink cups were almost big enough to fit 2 liters. I DO love my Pepsi.

After the dinner, Chris asked if either of us were interested in seeing the new Narnia movie. Well, Julie LOVES Narnia. So, heck yeah. We went to the theatre right behind the restaurant. Well, the first 30 min while in the theatre were ads. Mostly for Verizon. It almost was like a movie/advertisement. Kinda odd. Well, the last ad was for Children's Miracle Network. It was all warm and fuzzy "help the kids" "work miracles" etc etc. Well at the end, in her "not too quiet" voice, Julie did a big raspberry and enthusiastic two thumbs down. Now, I know that she has an old friend that worked there and was somewhat unhappy about their business ethics. However, the rest of the people in the theatre don't know that. They just know that after a moving, heart-warming spot encouraging people to donate to make miracles happen for terminally ill children, some wack-job crazy lady boo'ed it. She should have just stood up and shouted "Let all the sick children die! Who cares about them, anyway?! Survival of the strongest!! Wahoo!!" It would have had the same effect.