Dramastic Monkeys

Make Your Own Conclusion

2011-02-13T15:30:00.006-05:00

I saw this picture on Poorly Dressed today.
My mind thought of this:
What do you think it means?

(Side note - when Googleing for a pic of Glenn Beck, I found a shirt that reads: "I think, Therefore I am Not Glenn Beck." I want this shirt.)

SNOWPOCALYPSE!!!

2011-01-13T14:23:00.012-05:00

I have survived a Snowpocalypse. For real. This isn't the snowpocalypse-that-never-was in Utah. This was southern-style fine-Georgia style snowpocalypse. Chaos.

When we decided to move to Georgia, one of the great highlights (in our head) was the lack of Utah-style winter (aka more snow than you can shake a twig at - because we all know that snow responds to shaking twigs). Yes, we will take the murderous humidity for the hope of dry roads and no window scraping during winter. (Side note, when I did a Google image search for "murderous humidity," this was one of the first page results. What the Google???) We were warned by the locals that it does snow in Georgia, "maybe twice a year." We were also warned that snow can shut down the place. We assumed that this was due to two simple facts. 1) Georgians are the WORST DRIVERS EVER. I know, as a former Utahan driver, I should be complaining about Utahan drivers. But, they're awesome compared to Georgians behind the wheel. I'm not kidding. Even my native Georgian friends agree they feel like their lives are at risk anytime they get in a motorcar. 2) Due to the relative lack of snow, Georgia doesn't invest in snowplows or other snow removal technology. So, put INSANE drivers on a slipper surface and we have DEATH. So, we thought - we're from Utah. We can handle a little snow.

Our first "true" snow in Georgia happened on Christmas 2010. Everyone was crazy excited because this was the first time in over 100 years that Georgia had a white Christmas. Overrated - I prefer a tropical Christmas. The snow actually stuck to the ground overnight, which meant our church was canceled the next morning. (Remember: Crazy Georgia drivers+slippery surfaces=DEATH). We didn't mind the day off of church. (We're lazy Mormons.) The snow disappeared by the evening of December 26th.

This is the snow on Christmas Day. In total, we were maybe pushing an inch. Oooooo-scary.

So, we had weathered the big bad snow in Georgia. Even if we had needed to go out, I'm sure that my experiences of driving on unplowed roads in Lake Shore would have kept me alive. Whatev.

We enjoyed temperatures into the mid-50s over the next week or two (which was nice since Julie's dad visited us the last week of December). Yes, I was LOVING this southern winter. Taking the dog out in a t-shirt in the beginning of January - my kind of winter. However, our happiness was short lived.

We started getting warnings of a severe winter storm heading for the Atlanta area by January 6th. This time, worse than our little dusting on Christmas day. They were talking INCHES of snow. Of coarse, all of civilization went to pot and people were foretelling the return of Baby Jesus. Martial law was instigated and people were rioting in the streets and burning effigies of Santa Claus and Jack Frost. Okay, maybe not quite that chaotic, but people were all a buzz and local grocery stores were overrun with people trying to prepare. We heard that Home Depot sold out of generators and some grocery stores were running out of basic staples like milk, eggs, bread, etc. We actually went to the store for a few regular items that weekend, and the store clerk commented on how we were the only people she had seen that appeared to be doing regular shopping and not in panic mode. What can I say - we're from Utah. Snow doesn't scare us - and we have food storage. Silly Mormons.

The world as we know it came to an end on January 9th, 2011. That night all living creatures were demolished by a powdery white substance from the sky. SNOW. (Okay, maybe not all living creatures were demolished - I guess snow isn't as strong as an asteroid or humans are stronger than dinosaurs.) Thus was the beginning of the end. By the evening of January 9th, we had this:
We woke up on the 10th to find this:
Being the inquisitive Brian I am (coupled with the fact that Googling "Snow totals in Athens GA" yielded no useful results), I ventured out into the snow with my trusty ruler.
I plunged my ruler into the snow on my front lawn. About 6.5" inches of pure death was covering everything. (As for why my only ruler is purple and plastic - that's a mystery that we may never fully understand.) I don't know if this is how the news stations get their "totals," but I'm running with it and pronouncing it OFFICIAL.

Kronk had previously experience snow in Utah - and actually enjoyed it. Fortunately, he seemed to remember what snow was and didn't give us too much grief to go outside.
It's a good thing he's not pure white or we may have lost him. I also discovered that due to "freezing rain" and a small amount of melt/refreezing, after the first day all snow gets a hard shell - like M&Ms, but not as fun to eat. Kronk, however, is light enough to walk on said layer of ice. Sure, not as exciting as walking on actual water - but you draw your own conclusions.

With an official 6.5" of snow and no snowplows in the state (citation needed), UGA canceled classes on January 10th (ironically, the first day back from winter break). This was expected. Then they canceled classes on January 11th. Given that news reports were expecting freezing rain to fall on top of the snow (which was still over all the roads), this was again expected. Then they canceled classes on January 12th. And then they called for a "delayed opening" on January 13th and 14th (opening at 11 am instead of 8 am). Even though I have a class scheduled for tonight, the teacher decided to cancel it because several students come from several cities away and class doesn't end until 8 pm - meaning that any snow that melts today will add to the ice rinks that we call roads. So, we had ONE storm on Sunday night/Monday morning that left us with SIX INCHES. That one storm basically closed everything for OVER THREE DAYS. We didn't even have our MAIL delivered for two days (apparently "Come rain, come snow, come hail or sleet, the postman always delivers" doesn't apply here). I also heard that even Wal-Mart shut down for a period of time. We have not left our house since SUNDAY (it's currently Thursday). Fortunately we have not experienced any power outages (which is good because our only heat is an electric heat pump). Additionally, we are very happy for Netflix streaming and Hulu.

In the end, we have learned several things. 1) Snow really does shut down the south. 2) Kronk remembers snow. 3) The weather Gods hate me and are solely focused on my destruction - mentally and physically. 4) Gerogians cannot drive and should not even think of attempting this on snow. I actually read this on CNN: "The Georgia Department of Transportation warned that "no one should be driving north of Macon" (which is in the middle of the state). 5) Don't complain about snowplows coming late in Utah - at least they exist. 6) One snow day is fun. Two is intriguing. Four to five lead to insanity.

My Secret

2011-01-09T14:38:00.004-05:00

I saw this on PostSecret and while I did not create the post card, I find it shocking that there is someone else in the world who thinks like I do.

This is how much I truly hate bills. I may start playing the lottery weekly - it's likely my only real hope to ever become wealthy. :D

Because I don't want to do homework...

2010-11-14T20:41:00.000-05:00

NOTICE: This blog post was written on September 6, 2010; however, Julie reserved editing and reviewing rights before publication. It's now mid-November. You can put the rest of the story together...

So, I've decided to do a blog post - and as the title states, it's a direct attempt to avoid homework. Julie is lying in bed right now (actually just waived at me), thinking I'm being productive. I'm not. She should know better. And when she either A) gets up to walk over and read what I'm typing or B) reads this after it's posted, she will give me the "you were supposed to be productive today" face. (She's also going to be irked because she's asked me to stop naming her faces "because they're usually wrong"....I told her I just need to practice more so I can be a perfect face-namer.)

What will I discuss with you today....maybe a follow up on my life since I last posted in, um, January. Let's see, what has happened since January?

Well, late 2009 I started applying to schools for a PhD in Social Work. Initially I was just going to apply to the U of Utah, because it was close and both Julie and I were benefited through the University. But, around January we decided we needed more options. So, we added the U of Georgia and the U of South Carolina to the list. Oh, and I was also in the process of applying to become an Air Force social worker (lots of eggs in different baskets) around this time as well. I guess I wanted an adventure or something. I learned that armed forces applications are REALLY long and they ask for all sorts of stuff. I seriously had to give a complete 10-year history of work/school/residence, with at least two references (not family) to verify each entry. (Side note, Julie just asked what I was doing - I responded with "blogging" and she placed her face into the pillows - I could not see if there was a face involved.) Anyway, I completed the whole application, did the physical, and the phone interview - when I was made aware that the Air Force does indeed send social workers into combat zones (to keep the soldiers fighting). Hmmmmm....people shooting at me. Not quite as great of an opportunity as initially thought. In the end, I was accepted to all three schools I applied to - and therefore told the Air Force that I was no longer interested. It turns out the board had already reviewed my file and I was a "non-admit," so it appears the separation was mutual. :D

So, I then had to make an option on school. Two of the three offered assistanceships (with tuition waivers and stipends), with Utah offering nada. Even considering the need to find renters and deal with all that, Utah was dropped off the list because it was financially better for both Julie and myself to leave our jobs and take the offers of free tuition. I eventually chose the University of Georgia because of it's higher rating and a slightly greater stipend amount. We flew out to Athens, GA in May and spent a week looking for an apartment to rent. In the end, we decided to get into a townhouse on the west side of town. (See Julie's blog for pics of our new digs).

From May to August we kept working as usual, counting the days until our exodus from Utah. Oh - and we also tore up the carpeting in the living room in the condo to find the exterior wall near the landing was leaking into our living room, which was then several months before the HOA finally got things in waterproof form (again, more on Julie's blog). It sufficeth to say that we were living in a hodge podge of semi-construction for several months and our spare bedroom was lovingly referred to as "furniture Tetris." About three weeks before our move, we finally got the walls patched, painted, the wood laminate flooring installed, and enjoyed a lovely condo for a short time before the packing chaos hit full swing.

Packing? I HATE PACKING!!! Honestly, where did we get so much stuff? There's only two of us!! I did the little online calculator which told me we should be able to fit our belongings into a 16' truck. So, just to make sure we would be good to go, we got a 22' truck. And on July 31, 2010, we filled it to the absolute max. Seriously. Again, it was furniture Tetris, with our dresser being stacked upside down on the cedar chest. We did a white-trash version of a stacking laundry set, placing the dryer upside down on the washer and tying them steady. In the end, we left an entertainment center (which we didn't want anymore anyway) and a standing lamp in West Jordan. Let's just say that the packing/loading part of the program was not as smooth as I initially planned.

THE MOVE
We spent our last night in Utah at my parent's house in Lake Shore. We woke in the morning and said good-bye to my parents and Julie's brother and younger sister. Fortunately, we were able to fit in time for blessing from dad, which was of great comfort. We also got to say goodbye to Braxton as he was spending the night. He was, however, being a stinker the next day and refused to let us take any pictures with him. We got our suitcases and roadtrip essentials packed into the moving truck and my Altima (Julie's mom leaving in the Mazda several days earlier to go to Minnesota to see her sister with the plan to reconnect in Missouri). Thankfully, Julie's older sister, Vanessa, agreed to be a part of the moving adventures and gave her services in driving the Altima.

The first day we got as far as Laramie, WY, where we spent the night with some friends of Vanessa, the Rimmasch Family. Unfortunately, we got out of Spanish Fork late, so we didn't get into Laramie until near midnight. Overall, that stretch was fairly non-eventful - but I learned that moving trucks don't like going up mountain passes.

The second day led us to Lincoln, NE. This was probably the most boring of all days ever. I now have an immense hatred for all things Nebraska. Really - it was just hour after hour after hour of driving in the same repeating scenery. And that state is LONG. The only interesting thing was that we stopped for lunch across the street from the Cabela's world headquarters. But, other than that I could have shot myself. At least Julie and Vanessa were in a car together for some kind of interaction. Spending that much time alone in a moving truck is not something I'd recommend to anyone else.

The third day we did a "short day" to Liberty, MO. Being that it was our fifth wedding anniversary, Julie decided to ride in the truck with me. I know, how romantic. We got to see the tail end of Nebraska (good riddance) and maybe 10 minutes of Iowa before entering Missouri. We stopped at some family friends of Julie's family (Mike Crim and his crew) and spent the afternoon enjoying human interaction and stable ground. Oh, I did learn that hilly roads in Liberty are quite fun in a moving truck (and also a way to freak Julie out). Cindy met up with us in Liberty, and we went to dinner with the Crims. It really was a great evening. Until Gwen (our 13-something Persian cat) turned into the ultimate buzz-kill. Let's just say she had what can only be described as the oddest reaction to carsickness I never expected to experience. (If you're really curious, Google rectal prolapse, but not immediately before or after eating.) This inevitably led to a mildly-hysterical Julie asking Mike (who is a people doctor, not a cat doctor) for medical advice. Mike got us connected with a local vet with an after-hours emergency line. That night I learned some interesting facts while helping the vet sedate Gwen and get her innerds put back inside. 1) Cats have really small veins, making it really difficult to put in an IV. 2) Some cats respond with an instant jerk and "flee-for-life" response when the Ketamine hits the system. 3) Even without front claws, Gwen is dangerous and can draw sufficient blood when met with the soft skin of a forearm. 4) Gwen does not like the mask used to administer nitrous oxide. 5) While finally succumbing to said nitrous oxide, cats will often growl with each breath (which is quite comical when observed). 5) Also, as they fall deeper in sleep - the tongue protrudes. Gwen has a freakishly long tongue!!! 6) Vet offices are not romantic ways to end an anniversary. Stupid Gwen.

We again got a late start on the fourth day - mostly because it was after 1 am before Julie and returned from our adventures with the vet the night before. Due to our love of all things unhealthy, Julie and I were jonesing for some butter burgers from Culver's. We thought we'd trust the GPS to find one somewhat along our route -- which ended up taking us through downtown Kansas City, MO, on some streets obviously not designed for the truck I was driving. Retrospectively a bad idea. But, man, I love me some butter burger. I'm sad the closest one to us currently is in Tennessee. We drove to Paducah, KY this day, passing through Missouri and Illinois. I decided southern Illinois is really pretty at sunset.

Finally, we had reached our last driving day. We left Paducah, KY, and started our trek. Tennessee, you provided me with some truly beautiful scenery for the drive. This made driving alone somewhat more bearable. I think I'll need to go back someday and check out Chattanooga when I have time. However, once we crossed the line from Tennessee into Georgia, all hell broke lose. I'm sorry great people of Georgia, but you cannot drive. And that includes the homicidal truck drivers. From Utah to the Georgia state line we had effectively traveled in a convoy with the two cars following the truck. But, we quickly realized it was every man for himself on the Georgia highways and decided to break up (after some nasty close calls) and then reconvene in Atlanta. Oh, and then it started raining - and I mean RAINING. Like so hard the wipers couldn't keep up and nobody knew where the lines were anymore. I pretty much got to the right, put on my hazards, and prayed that I wouldn't die. Fortunately, we all made it to the Atlanta area where we met back up and had dinner. Julie and Vanessa split from me (being they were safer farther away from the bigger trucks I had to follow), again to meet in Athens. We all made it into Athens, GA, a little after midnight and got settled into the hotel for the night.

The next morning, Julie and I were getting ready to go into the property management company to sign the lease when Gwen again made an attempt to be the sole focus of attention. She decided to start throwing up all over herself (fortunately, no re-occurrence of her Missouri adventures). So, she got to meet the vet in Athens before we could even unpack! We ended up just taking all the animals to the vet for day boarding while we dealt with moving in details. When we got to the property management company, we were informed they were cleaning the carpets that day; therefore, we couldn't move in until after 3 pm. I still don't know why they waited until that day to clean the carpets, being I had spoken with them several times in the preceding weeks to verify we could move in on that day. In the end, it turned out to be for the best because the only person I had to help me was an old BYU roommate, who was at work until 3 pm.

In the end, all of our stuff was able to make it into our new home and I was able to say goodbye to that cursed rental truck forever (no tears were shed). Only a few of our items were damaged in the 2000 mile adventure, so that was pretty good.

This is how I feel lately....

2010-11-10T23:34:00.005-05:00

So, this picture is a bit odd - and silly. Julie just sent it to me, and I've decided it about sums up how I've been feeling lately. Being in a PhD program is like suddenly being in a completely different world. And I'm not quite sure I understand what is going on all the time. Quite often, it's like people are speaking foreign languages. And there I am - a crazy Utahan trying to blend in. It doesn't help that I wear t-shirts like this to class...

On a side note, I've recently discovered the hilarious blog, hyperboleandahalf - VERY FUNNY. She's created a picture that I've taken to be my new personal motto:

UPDATE:

I have been informed that I must give props to Corin of Corinner-Elly for introducing me to Hyperbole and a Half. So, there, Corin. You have your props. To the other 2 readers of my blog - feel free to venture over to the world of Corinner-Elly for some more funnies.

My New Vocation

2010-01-12T12:51:00.004-05:00

Ya know, after 6 years of college and all that time I spent to become a social worker, I decided to change jobs to something a little more suited for my personality. I think I'll go work for this company:

For more Engrish fun, check out Engrish and Engrish Funny.

Yeah, I think "monkey changer" is an appropriate use of my talents. I'd have to say I'm a perfect fit!!!

IT IS FINISHED

2009-12-23T20:50:00.002-05:00

After months of stressing (and unfortunately procrastinating) my PhD application to the University of Utah is COMPLETE!!! DONE!!! NO MORE!!! It's such a relief to have everything turned in before the deadline (I had a whole week left). I almost don't know what to do with my time now, being that this has been weighing on my mind for a while now. But, it's done now -- and I move onto the waiting game. I have NO idea when he decision will be made, but it's out of my hands now.

I've lost faith in polls. 3 whole responses on my cell phone poll. That answers my question of how many people read my blog!! It's okay, because I ended up choosing the 2nd place according to the poll. As fun as the Hero looked, I went for the physical keyboard on the Moment. We ordered our phones yesterday -- so they'll hopefully arrive this weekend (or early next week). It's good to have that done too, so I can stop obsessing. :D

EVERYONE WATCH "COMMUNITY"

2009-12-18T17:07:00.000-05:00

HANDS OFF MY PEANUTS!!

2009-12-15T10:37:00.003-05:00

So, Carsmart has some odd commercials here in Utah. Recently, they're doing this whole "find an antiquated law that is stupid and juxtapose that with how smart it is to buy from us" shctick. Well, the one playing currently reviews the law in Lee County prohibiting the sale of peanuts after sundown on Wednesday. So, at the end of the ad it has a recap: "Remember, selling peanuts after dark is illegal . . ." The only problem is that Mr. Announcer-Mann has forgotten the importance of enunciating the T in "peanuts." The effect sounds more like "peanus." This now sounds like something only boys have - and not a circus treat (unless, of coarse, you are attending Britney Spears' Circus tour -- but that's a WHOLE other subject). So, as I listen to the commercial, I wonder . . . when is a good time to be selling "peanus?"

Why I Couldn't Sleep Last Night

2009-12-14T16:17:00.002-05:00

So . . . yesterday was an interesting day. After church (while Julie was playing with her visiting teachers), I was looking online at new cell phones. I have decided I want a new phone - and I want a snazzy smartphone. After see how much AT&T charges for data plans (per phone line) -- not to mention they now FORCE anyone with a smartphone to get a data plan (stupid AT&T), I found that for less money I can get more stuff through Sprint. (Sidebar -- if you are a Sprint hater, or avid AT&T lover, or have some odd undying love for any phone carrier . . . I don't care. Let's be honest, all of the major companies have HUGE downsides between customer service, cost, coverage, etc. I'll miss my rollover, but it's just too much to add data for our current family plan). Anyhoo . . . how this relates to yesterday. As I was saying, I was looking at phones to decide what I wanted. While doing this, I noticed I was "missing" parts of the text and realized this as a vision problem I get just prior to a migraine. So, I laid down for a while and let my eyes rest. I felt a little better, so we went down to "the Fork" to visit our families. The migraine returned with a vengeance during our trip down - but luckily Julie had some ibuprofen and migraine meds that I was able to take and then lay down for a while.

Ok, so how this relates to the title of this article is coming up. When I went to bed I took some Excedrin PM to make sure I could sleep and kill what little headache remained. Well, I fell asleep well, and then POW - midnight comes and I'm wide awake. Still exhausted, but wide awake. The really fun part was that just as I would start falling asleep again, my mind would turn into hyperdrive trying to figure out the cell phone dilemma. Yes, for some reason my sub-conscious decided midnight was THE time for a final answer. Each time I'd get it to shut up and start falling asleep again . . . CELL PHONES. WHAT . . . . THE . . . . CRAP!?!?! It's not like I was having to make an immediate decision -- or even a decision within a month. But, for some reason my mind really wanted to know what phone I'm buying. Damn brain.

(Sidenote, Julie just IM'ed me to say Gary Busey just knocked up his girlfriend and "shouldn't be allowed to reproduce." For those of you who might remember Gary Busey from "Celebrity Rehab," I would have to agree -- and wonder the mental facilities of a woman who is dating him.)

So, to make my mind SOMEWHAT at ease, I'm going to enlist all 3 of my readers to help me decide what phone to buy. Here's the requirements - smartphone, touchscreen, and Sprint. I'll give you my top choices so far to chose from, but if you feel I missed a winner, let me know (and yes, if Sprint offered the iPhone there would be no contest (but, again, I just can't swallow how much AT&T charges for data plans). HTC HERO - SAMSUNG MOMENT - PALM PRE

I am SUCH a geek!!

2009-04-28T20:39:00.003-04:00

I know, I'm a geek. I know this because I am practically jumping up and down about the following picture . . .

What is so exciting about this?? The 4 GB of RAM in my new iMac!!! First, I'm more than ecstatic at the fact Julie and I bought a new iMac (well, let's be honest, Julie let me get an iMac). I mean, that's like every single holiday present for the year rolled into one. And then to boot she let me order some RAM to max it out. Giddy. There is no other word for how I feel. I just wish I had this baby at work (my retarded PC there only has 500 mb of ram - I hate it). For those of you who are not yet converted to the beauty of the iMac . . . you're missing out.

Other new items in the life of Brian & Julie . . . our 2nd bedroom again looks like a BEDROOM and not just a hodgepodge of storeage craziness. Thanks to the joys of Ikea, our spare room now has ample storage space - that is hidden behind doors. So, yeah, it takes up a bit of the space in the already small bedroom . . . but now when you look in the first thought is "bedroom." Now, if only we could get some help making it look like nursery (hint hint, God). I mean, the iMac lives in the spare room too, so obviously any baby we would have would be the luckiest baby of all.

Other than that, nothing exciting/new going on. Julie has again changed jobs and is now the Operations Officer at the Utah College of Applied Technology. While she loved her work at the law office, this opportunity came up and offered us a significant pay increase, so how could you say no? We're very fortunate that we are both making healthy salaries with benefits at this time of recession. Very blessed. I'm still assessing the addicts and moving them along to treatment. I have a LOT of crazy stories . . . but due to federal confidentiality regulations they're for my brain only. Rest assured, though, drug use makes for some CRAZY stuff. Wow. I mean, really. Wow.

Well, eventually I will try to post some more. We need to take pics of the spare room to PROVE that it looked this good. I'll post funnies soon, promise!

Why I Love Julie . . .

2009-01-28T10:48:00.003-05:00

So, I'm funny. Yeah, I'm not trying to be boastful - it's just the way God made me. Funny. When I was born, the doctor said, "Well, that's a damn funny baby" - and then tried to bury me in a cigar box because I would make the "tragically-born-without-a-sense-of-humor children" look bad. Yeah, I'm that good.

But then there is Julie. She's also funny. But a slightly different funny. Not the "I-think-we-may-need-to-lock-you-up-or-put-you-on-some-serious-psychotropic-medications funny" like me, but the more subtle and "Why-are-people-so-stupid funny."

For example: We listen to 101.9 The End in the morning while getting ready. Well, one of their oft repeated commercials is for cosmetic surgery (well, big fake boobs to be exact). The commercial goes on how self esteem can really effect (or is it affect . . . well, in the psychological sense, affect is a person's outward emotional state - so that just makes me more confused . . . let's try a/effect) a person's outlook and happiness (or positive affect). Yes, I agree with this. It's good to feel good about oneself. We should all try to feel good about ourselves (give yourself a hug right now - then try to chew on your elbow . . . come on, do it! I'm a PROFESSIONAL, trust me . . . ). So, then the commercial takes a twist (wait, am I still talking about a commercial here? For those of you that are still on track with me, give yourself a gold star, then contact a qualified professional for psychological evaluation). Yes, the twist. Self esteem good . . . blah blah blah . . . and now women are talking about how big fake boobs make them feel good about themselves and life is all wonderful and peach fuzz now. Yes, there is a correlation between big boobs and happiness. Worked for Anna Nicole Smith and the "dead behind the eyes" girlfriends of good ole' Hef. So, my mind is working on how terrible this message is . Yes, buy into society's problematic views rather than finding inner worth.

Julie's response . . . There is one "testimonial" that says: "Just because I wasn't born with great breasts doesn't meant I can't have them now."
Julie: "Think about it."
Me: "Yeah, so what."
Julie: "When was the last time you saw a newborn with fully developed breasts?"
Here is where I fall down laughing with the image of a new born with double D's in a cocktail dress. Now I giggle every time I hear this commercial.

Now some randomness for you, then I go back to work . . .

I'm still laughing . . .

2009-01-28T10:41:00.003-05:00

So, I totally LOVE 30 Rock. Like way more than I probably should. If 30 Rock was a woman, Julie would need to worry - and possibly set some strict limits. But, fortunately, 30 Rock is NOT really a person (yeah, I did some Wikipedia-ing on this one . . .) so my marriage is safe.

So, we watched this online on Monday. And today in the shower, I remembered this clip and totally busted a gut (Julie can contest to that - she heard me laughing like a crazy person - which is only slightly different than my usual laugh). Then when I was riding TRAX, I again thought of this clip and almost laughed out loud again (but I suppressed it to a smirk - which I'm sure made me look like either an evil genius or schizophrenic client).

So, yeah - my marriage is safe - but maybe not my cats . . .

Shout out to Korean cookbooks . . .

2009-01-11T22:58:00.002-05:00

So, I found a Korean cookbook a while ago with a recipe for a meal that was one of my favorites. Winner winner, chicken dinner. Ah, now I want to go back to Korea. But just to sight see and eat Korean food inexpensively (don't get any ideas that I'm being overly nostalgic). I love food. Yeah for good food.

To my three avid readers out there, I'm sorry I don't post anymore. But, the only thing interesting in my life as of late is the craziness of my clients (and silly HIPPA regulations bar me from sharing such information). So, let me think of interesting things I have done lately . . . Julie and I went to Bodyworlds yesterday. Cool, but creepy. I mean, I like learning - and seeing real human donors is really awesome. But, seeing real human donors is also slightly creepy. However, I was more frustrated by the fact that we waited 2 HOURS to get into the exhibit because we waited until the last week to finally go down. Wee. However, we did decide that Utah is full of stupid people. Wait, we realized that LONG ago. Wait, that has nothing to do with Utah. Oh yea, I forgot - I hate people. Why am I a social worker? Meh . . .

We finally took down the tree today. Christmas is officially over now. Took us long enough. It's not because we love Christmas (wait, that came out wrong - please don't think I'm anti-Christmas now) it's becuase we're totally lazy. Poor Howie, he got too used to sleeping under the tree like a furry present (that Julie would not let me unwrap). He's now sleeping at the foot of the bookshelf where the tree was. I wonder if he's dreaming of wrapping paper friends. Nah, he's dreaming of the floor cause he doesn't have enough brain power to conjure actual creative thoughts. He's cute - but very, very stupid. Gwen on the other hand - no wait, she's not very smart too. She is a short-haired Gwen again. Julie and I did another at-home grooming job again. This time we actually bought professional trimmers that cut her fur (what an interesting concept). She still has about a million layers in her fur. Maybe she's going for "the Rachel" look. Or maybe the "I was hit by a truck" look (Julie took pics, I'm sure she'll be posting them to her blog eventually). Or maybe it's all the same. She's funny looking. I like to laugh at her. I hope she doesn't gain the ability to laugh back when we all die and go to heaven. I'll be screwed.

Well, I think that's enough randomness. Again, I appologize that I'm no longer entertaining. I do, however, LOVE Lego Star Wars on the Wii. I need to play with the Wii more (te he, sounds like it should be against the law of chastity). I love playing with my Wii (giggle giggle). OK, I'm OUT! Booyeah!

Slacker Schmacker

2009-01-01T23:55:00.004-05:00

Yeah, I should blog more. But I'm a working person now. Blogging or making money to support my family (well, Julie and cats) . . . can you blame my choice?? Quick update from the Brian . . .

Work is going well. True, it's not my dream job, but I'm actually getting into the groove of things well and overall enjoy it. There's a LOT of writing, but other than that, I have no serious complaints. It keeps me busy, so the days go quickly - and it's honest work. :) I figure, I could be working for peanuts at Wal-Mart, so I need not be picky (especially in THIS economy . . .). Yeah, work is good, and also to blame for my lack of posting.

Christmas was really good. Julie gave me STDs in my stocking. Yeah, you read right - in my stocking were STDs. Herpes, Gonorrhea, and Chlamydi a to be exact. Luckily I didn't get them the way many people do - unfaithful partners - I got them the cute fuzzy way (hence no divorce papers in processs). Who else but ME can say they are so excited for STDs?? They now live in my office (with a whole LOT of decorations from Korea -- so my office kinda looks like a cheap Chinese restaurant -- I'll have to post pics sometime . . .). Other than my STDs, I also got some clothes, pajamas, a messenger bag, a fun monkey game, etc. It was a good Christmas.

It's late, so I best get to sleep. But I wanted to share a funny with everyone to kick off the New Year. It's from one of my favorite funny websites, CAD (check out the comics and sillies).

Since Brian's a slacker . . .

2008-12-16T19:16:00.001-05:00

I took this quiz, so please don't mistake it for Brian's. I will be asking him to take the quiz later, so we can compare notes.

Life Update and Graduation Presents

2008-09-10T14:56:00.003-04:00

Only a few days left until I get to actually go to work - I officially start Sept 15th. YEAH. However, I do have to say that I'm going to miss watching TV during the day and sleeping in. It will take some adjusting to waking up early and being somewhere on time each weekday. I think I can do it - especially to start seeing money come back into my pocket again. Yeah, that's worth it.

So, I continued to brew on my love/hate relationship with Nintendo and their retarded marketing ploys with the Wii. However, my desire to own one would not stop. I WANT I WANT I WANT. And now that I'm employed, I want a prize. :P So, on Saturday Julie was the angel she is and started calling electronics stores in Salt Lake Valley. After a few calls, we located one store that had Wii in stock - and it was only 4 miles away. So, we quickly drove over and bought a Wii console and the WiiFit program (Julie is anti-video games and consented to the Wii only because of the physical activity involved and WiiFit). I closed my eyes at checkout (so I wouldn't crap myself) and thougth happy thoughts of playing.

I am enjoying my new toy. WiiFit is better than I had imagined. You can actually get a fairly good workout on it. You'll never become a fitness model, but it's a fun, interactive way to get some daily physical activity. However, I need more games (my birthday is next month - wink, wink). I think my first game will be Guitar Hero (I would love Rock Band - but I'm not sure I can find a place to store all the components in our house).

Also, in the mood of graduation presents, I want to share what Julie, my parents, and in-laws have done for my present. We took my BYU and U of U diplomas and had them customed framed. Having never custom framed anything, it was a bit more expensive than I had hoped -- but they turned out AMAZING. We went with a black leather mat and gold fillet to bring them together. I am really impressed - my wife has good taste!!

Is it Weird I Know This Stuff?

2008-09-10T14:27:00.010-04:00

So, today is the saga of the iPod. This saga goes back several years. Somewhere about 2004, I purchased a used iPod on eBay.
It was a 2nd Generation 20 GB model. The really old kind that is massive by today's standards and doesn't even connect via USB. I used it for a while until I kinda fried it. I thought that I would prefer to connect via USB than Firewire - so I bought a 'converter' to allow me to plug it into a USB. I did this . . . and the iPod never connected with an iPod again. I realize this was not my greatest moment - actually, once I did it I realized the stupidity of the move. The iPod continued to play music and work otherwise - but no more adding music. :(

I later bought a 4th Gen 20GB iPod from a friend of a friend. Happy day. For some crazy reason, though, I kept the old monster iPod. I guess it's part of my family genetics -- we have a hard time throwing stuff away. It came in handy this past week.

My brother-in-law's 4th Gen iPod gave the iPod sad face of death. He bought a new Nano, and handed off his dead iPod to me. I saw a challenge - and accepted. Enter amateur iPod surgery.

I opened up the old iPod and removed the harddrive.

I then took the iPod harddrive from ancient iPod and placed it into the newer, but sad iPod. However, the older harddrive was slightly larger than the new one, so I had to do some hardcore squeezing to fit it into the new case. In so doing, I broke one of the internal latches - so the new iPod is sporting a length of tape around the top of the case. However, I feel this is a small price to pay for a fully-functioning iPod.

All said and done, I took two non-working iPods and created one fully-functioning iPod. When it came to naming the iPod, I decided that "FrankenPod" would be fitting. :P

Julie made a comment recently that my computer knowledge is not normal - especially for a social worker. Would this go in that category as well??

Am I THAT Pathetic??

2008-09-10T12:23:00.003-04:00

So, I've discovered a new blog that I find amusing (well, I read about it on KSL - but I will still take credit). The blog is created by a fictitious Utah County Mormon airhead - and reminds me entirely too much of the S'Fork and my days at BYU. Really, I think it's an accurate picture of life down there.

Well, I was reading some recent posts and came across this one . . . which includes a shout out to Social Work. OK - maybe not a shout out. More like a burn. So sad. Recently I have been bemoaning the lack of money in my profession, but I try to keep positive. Well, now I feel that the universe is speaking to me. Yup. I'm a putz. I'm doomed to a low middle-class lifestyle forever. Awesome. However, I do find it completely hilarious that of all majors to belittle - she chooses SOCIAL WORK. Come on . . . Music Theater was taken??

I guess I can live with myself and chosen occupation. After all, let's look at the people in society poised to make changes in individual lives. Teachers, for example. Is there any career that is more closely linked to the future and success? Probably not. Do they get paid appropriately? Nope. Would the high-paid businessmen, lawyers, and computer engineers be where they are without former teachers? Nope. Sad but true. Then take Social Workers. Essentially we're paid to try to convince people to not kill self or others. I think that's pretty important. But, no - if you have mad talents at throwing balls and running across fields, then society thinks you're financially viable. I sense inequality.

NEW JOB!!

2008-09-05T13:36:00.002-04:00

Good news blog friends - I have been offered (and accepted) a new job. YEAH. And no, it is not with the Prison. While jumping through all hiring hoops for the prison I have been continuing to interview at other places. On Wed, I interviewed with Assessment and Referral Services. The interview went really well - and I actually recognized the interviewers from a presentation I attended at the 2006 Utah Fall Substance Abuse Conference. It's always positive when you go into an interview knowing about what the agency does, etc. Overall, it was one of the best interviews I've ever had. I left feeling quite confident and pleased. I called Julie when I got to my car - and within minutes I received a call and was offered the job (literally, probably no more than 10 min after I left the office). Apparently they really loved me - so that's a good start. Julie and I spoke about the offer over lunch, and we decided to accept. The pay is better than the prison and as a University of Utah employee, the benefits are amazing. I get like 21 vacation days per year. Crazy. As far as compensation goes, I can't ask for more.

The work, however, isn't my dream position. I don't do ongoing therapy - but rather just clinical assessments for substance abuse and DUI issues. The interviews are apparently 2 hrs long - and then the report is anywhere from 6-12 pages long!! That's a LOT of typing. Actually, it seems like I will spend over 1/2 of my time typing assessments. But, that has it's pros as well. The office is very flexible with scheduling - and I also have the option of writing from home some times too. So, I think that it will balance out well. Overall, I think I'll like it. I'm comfortable with substance abuse populations and feel confident in my skills in that area. Also, if I feel that I need to do some ongoing therapy, I'll find a PT job at LDS Family or somewhere that I can work just a few hours a week.

Best part - I don't have to do POST training. However, I was feeling excited to do the weapons training (odd, huh?). I was NOT excited to do the running 7 miles a day thing. So, I think I can live without playing with guns for a few weeks (Julie says that I can go to the shooting range if I want to). It's all good!!

So now I am waiting to hear what my start date will be. I hope they can start me next week. I really want to start doing something with my life and making money. YEAH. So very happy.

Julie has also promised me that once I found a job I could get a Nintendo Wii (the only game system she will have in our house cause it involves some movement and has the whole Wii Fit system). So - being all excited I had thought that yesterday I could go to Walmart or somewhere to buy a system. Too bad they are still sold out all over the place. I guess Nintendo will only ship a few units every few weeks - so they sell out within one day. BUMMER. I hate being let down. So, now I either have to start stalking electronic stores to find a Wii in stock - or order one online. OR I can protest Nintendo's stupid tactics and not buy their product cause I hate games. Seems silly that they don't send enough product. Ya know - if you have to make your customers stalk after you . . . not cool. We'll see how it goes down.

My Cat Vibrates

2008-09-02T17:32:00.003-04:00

If you have met Gwen, you know she's odd. If you check out Julie's blog, you can see some of Gwen's oddness (such as sitting on objects). Yes, it is true. She feels some odd compulsion for sitting on randomness. Instead of just lying on the floor, she'll sit on paper bags, shoes, boxes, or anything that is on the floor (except, of coarse her pet bed - I guess that is too much like floor). She even got on the laptop once - but I luckily saw that one in action so she was only there for a sec before she got the boot. I don't understand it. Why would she want to sit on uncomfortable shoes or plastic bags rather than carpeting? Makes no sense to me.

Well, today Gwen upped the ante. See, my old favorite was Gwen sitting on a pizza box (and, no Julie and I are not that messy - we had just finished a 'pizza picnic' on the floor and the box was still there). Today Gwen took to sitting on top of my phone, sitting on top of a Xerox box. I was unaware of this until Julie sent me a text. I heard the vibrations - but saw no phone. Just a Gwen. So, I thought to myself - we have 3 possibilities. A) Gwen swallowed the CrackBerry. 2) Gwen has learned a new trick. ∑) Gwen is sitting on the CrackBerry. Whereas Gwen is too lazy to take the time to learn to swallow a complete cell phone or learn anything new -- the only real possibility was ∑- Gwen was sitting on the phone. Sure enough, I move the large bundle of fur, and there is my Blackberry.

So, one has to wonder, why Gwen must sit on these objects. It is that she prefers lumpy surfaces to soft ones? Perhaps she misses sitting in the weeds in Lake Shore. Or maybe she wants to simply sit on things of value, and is still trying to determine what feels expensive. Or perhaps she is just plain stupid and weird. I'm going with the latter, cause she is, after all, a cat.

UPDATE:
I found the picture of Gwen sitting on a pizza box. Do you think she is part of the "ingredients made fresh daily?"

Who Needs the Transportation Dept?

2008-08-11T17:54:00.006-04:00

So, if you're a typical citizen and discover a pothole or other issue with your local roads, you likely call the department of transportation or city or something like that. Well, my dad is not typical. Nope. No government agency can be counted on to cure his road woes as well as he can. If you find a pothole or other issue with the road, you mix some concrete and fill it yourself! Just to prove my point . . . see exhibits A & B.

Notice the sawhorse he set up to notify the passing traffic of his presence and keep cars off the wet cement. Orange barrels are overrated.

Whitetrash road repair?

I believe that he ended up using 4 1/2 wheel barrels of concrete to smooth out the area and keep from driving into a dip. Julie and I think that it might have been easier to just take the turn wider - but I guess that's not an option for my dad. If he wants to drive there, he will make a way to drive there. You better hope he never comes to believe that there needs to be a new road over your lawn and flowerbeds!

Also, for any who feel that a concrete patch on an asphalt road may be an odd choice - he's used concrete for more insane purposes. My personal favorite (and somewhat of a local legend) is to use concrete as an auto body filler. Our old Suburban had the rear quarter panels almost full of concrete. It added extra weight for traction in the snow - and heaven help anyone who might have hit that! Actually, he once ended up in a ditch and the Suburban came out without any dent!!

Almost There . . .

2008-08-11T17:41:00.002-04:00

I'm still unemployed. BUT - I have now cleared pretty much all the hurtles in my way. See, not only do I need a degree to do therapy, but also a state license. However, before one can get a license, they must take a national exam. But, in Utah, before one can take the exam, they must have the degree conferred upon them. So, for the past few months, I've been applying to jobs - only to hear "you're great, but we need someone with a current license." Argh.

So, just about one week ago, I got my degree conferred upon me. YEAH. According to the U of U, I was done. That gave me the green light to take my licensing exam. That I did last Friday. After a few days of stressing (mostly because I did not study much all summer like I had planned) I went in and tried to take the test confidently. With that said, I passed!! Wahoo!! Oh so very happy day. I promptly sent my license application to the state. When I got home, I found that my official diploma came in the mail (making everything just that much more real). Julie has already commandeered it and sent it off with my BYU diploma to be framed as a graduation gift.

So, now that the state has my license application, hopefully I will get my license within a week or so. Either way, now that I've qualified for the license, I should have more prospective employers bring me in for interviews. Speaking of interviews, I had one last week at the State Prison. It was slightly scary to be walking up to the building with high fences and razor wire on both sides of me. However, the interview went quite well. I was thinking that the Prison would be the bottom of the barrel for me, but I left feeling that I would actually like working there. That's scary. I also have an interview with a youth correctional facility this week. So, it's looking like there's a good chance I'll be playing with corrections in one way or another. :)

Caught up in Politics

2008-08-06T11:52:00.007-04:00

So, I pretty much maxed on politics during the Obama vs. Clinton Deathmatch 2008. It just went on too long, and my attention span didn't last long enough. Cookies. So, I kinda took a break from it all while the first black/woman/old president debate was whittled down to the first black/old president debate (which, according to Colbert is solved because of "racial turducken" labeling of all minority groups into one conglomerate - making McCain black because he also falls within the minority of old -- Man, I LOVE Colbert and Stewart). Well, now we also have another candidate entering the mix apparently. Paris Hilton is going to represent the minority celebrity. Yes, we're now back to three minority groups fighting for power - black/old/famous. But, does rich offset famous and bring the minority into power and therefore not really part of the minority? If so, she's still a woman - so she gets the 2-for-1 special. Wait, though - hasn't McCain bashed Obama because he is indeed a . . . celebrity (audible gasp). Oooohh, we can't have any of that uppity famous crowd running the USA. No, we need middle class, normal presidents like . . . like . . . well, I can't think of any recent presidents who were not rich and part of the elite class in society.

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Hehe. I love it. I also love how Paris (well, her scriptwriters) has found a common-sense balanced solution. Gosh. If only others would step back from the "I'm right, so you can't be right" battle of straw men arguments and see outside the box. Wow, I never thought that Paris Hilton would be the one to look outside of any box - especially her own. I think this is a sign of the coming apocalypse. Bring it on!

Now, stepping away from balance and harmony (what do you think this is? Utopia? The sweet/spicy flavorings of Panda Express?) and back into bitter, argumentative, one-sided media that is the heart of the American way . . . I present to you my undying love for the Republican Party.

See more Adam "Ghost Panther" McKay videos at Funny or Die

Ah yes, the Republican Party obviously either A) needs strong psychotropic medications combined with cognitive restructuring therapy or 2) has taken way too many psychotropic medications without a doctor's supervision. Either way, it entertains me. I'm just shocked that this didn't come from the one and only true media outlet - Comedy Central.

It's Official!!

2008-08-01T15:20:00.003-04:00

As of today, I am officially a graduate from the University of Utah. Although I finished my classes in June, I had to wait until the end of the semester for my degree to post. Well, today it did just that! I officially have my MSW. Wahoo!
Now that I have been awarded my degree, I can take my licensing exam. I registered for that last night. Once I get the letter in the mail (within a few days) I can call and schedule a time to go in and take the test. I'm not excited to take the test, per se - but I AM excited to get my license and finally get a FT job again. YES!

This is why old people scare me . . .

2008-07-30T13:31:00.003-04:00

For those who know me well, you know that I'm terrified of old people. You just never know what you're going to get. They may crack you up - or they may crack your skull! Take this for example:

This old lady, though - she goes in the "crack you up" category. However, if you get some Listerine in her, I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to crack your skull too!!

TV Wouldn't Lie . . .

2008-07-17T13:32:00.003-04:00

I trust TV. I mean, really. We've been good friends for as long as I can remember. Actually, I don't have any live friends that have been around for as long as TV. Not to mention, as loyal. TV never tells me it's too busy to hang out - or has other plans. Nope. I just make sure to plug it into the power source and satellite - and we're good. Always there, always provides a good time. :) Friends like this don't lie. That's why I undoubtedly trust TV.

So, TV tells me that people who pay to go to a gym are sexier that people who sit at home. Gym commercials show toned people with like 3% body fat - while the couch potatoes . . . well, they have no tone and decidedly much higher body fat. TV also tells me that I need to look like the gym folks. If I look like that, my life will be happier and much easier. No problems. Just be toned and the world will fall at your feet. This is too sweet to pass up.

TV has convinced me to join the gym. Now, not the gym where all the super hot people are on TV. I chose the city rec center (cause it's hecka cheaper). Still, it has all the thingies that go round and that heavy stuff people grunt at. I'm not sure what it's all for. BUT, I do know that know I have a membership pass, I'm going to be hecka sexy with a toned body and 3% body fat. I'm sure of it. Cause on TV, all the people who pay for memberships are like this. TV doesn't lie.

It's been two days. I still feel the same. Maybe there's a problem with the rec center. I should complain.

All Hail Stephen Colbert

2008-07-10T23:49:00.004-04:00

I have to admit, that the Colbert Report is one of my favorite shoes. Seriously. I could watch it all day long. Well, now that I am going to have some time on my hands until UTemps finds me a new assignment (or I find a real FT job - I'm not choosy) . . . maybe I will watch it all day long. Thanks to Hulu and the marvels of the internet, I can! I was just watching this on Comedy Central -- and it's way too funny not to post!!

Ever Had One of Those Days?

2008-06-11T11:14:00.003-04:00

I'm sure that we've all had moments like this. Being that I'm still somewhat lacking on that ability to see a trial as a blessing, this is my typical response when life isn't what I want it to be. Today, this is how I'm feeling about the 4-hr long classes I have back to back this week . . .

This image was taken off Engrish.com - which is one of my all-time favorite sites. You should visit it!!

Ahhhh - FIRE!!

2008-06-04T18:53:00.003-04:00

When I hear “fire drill,” I think of two things. 1) The “Chinese” variety we did in high school when everyone in the car would jump out and run around it at a red light. 2) Elementary school. Now, I know that I’ve been in fire drills since then, but those times stick out (well, and the one time some yahoo at the MTC thought it would be funny to pull the alarm just before it was lights out – burn in Hades whoever you are!).

Here at Gateway Office Tower 2, we take safety seriously. Everyone has a 72 hr kit at their desk, emergency contact into on their person, etc. A few weeks ago, we had a “walk through” where we learned how and where to evacuate to. And a warning – sometime in June there will be a surprise drill. Oh goodie!

Well, sometime ended up being last week. But even better . . . I was in the exercise center just down from my desk when this happened. So, there I am all gross from exercising, in my ever so attractive gym wear when the alarm sounds. Great. I get to quickly grab my badge (so I can get through the locked door back to my office), meet my office team, and head out to the Grand Hall at the Union Pacific Depot where the entire building is meeting. That’s a lot of people – about 6 floors worth. They’re all in their business casual attire. I’m in gym clothes. I felt like someone should be singing the Sesame Street "One of these things is not like the other" tune. The nice secretary came up to me and said, "Brian, I'm pretty sure it's not casual Friday."

The best part was the I was almost done with my exercise routine. This means that I was about . . . maybe 3 minutes from being in the shower. And let me tell you, I would not have evacuated in the buff - or even a towel for that matter. The fire would have had to wait for me to finish my shower, dry off, and get dressed before it killed me. Luckily there was no fire. But, I'm sure that me taking the time to wash and dress would have been detrimental to the overall time it took for the building to clear out.

So, for any fire out there planning my death, I guess the best time to get me would be while I'm showering. I'd rather die than be seen in public in any form of undress. (Well, I just cleared exhibitionist from my possible life route -- so I guess there was some benefit in this experience.)

iPod + Crazy Friends = Good Times

2008-06-04T18:20:00.000-04:00

So, I don’t typically get lost in memories. For the most part, the past is the past – and I want it to stay there. I guess while I may be optimistic for the future, I have a pattern of seeing the past with great pessimism. So, when I think back to high school, the mission, BYU, etc . . . I typically think, “Great oogeley moogely, I’m glad that’s over!”

There have been a few euphoric memories of late. I blame country music (no, that actually has reason . . . read on).

I listen to my iPod most of the time I listen to music. I have it connected to my car’s CD receiver, so it’s essentially a hard drive for my car. I also have it when I’m exercising. The only times I’m not listening to the iPod is in the morning (when the bathroom radio is set to 101.9 theend’s morning show) and when I’m at the computer (when I’m listening to the same music on iTunes).

So, I have a limited amount of music I cycle through (well, 18 gigs – but I get stuck on my favorite playlists a lot). Occasionally, I want to listen to music I don’t hear often . . . which often means I put it on the country genre. (Yes, I do like country occasionally.) This last week I was in country land for a few days. Two songs triggered actual happy memories of days past.

First, it was “Cold Day in June” by the Dixie Chicks (yes, I like the Dixie Chicks – in moderation). Instantly, I was back in high school, cruising around with my good friend, Haven. Now, why might this song remind me of her? Well, you see, when this song played on the radio a lot, we had a “routine” that went with it. We would do overly dramatic hand hand/arm gestures with the storyline (think Celine Dion in “My Heart Will Go On”). Yes, it was retarded. Yes, I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit it. But this is what Haven and I did. I remember when we were REALLY young and both got rollerblades we started making choreographies to some of our favorite songs. Think Ice Dancing on rollerblades. Gosh, those must have been horrible. And we always made Haven’s parents watch them. And they always encouraged/supported it. Now, THAT’S a sign of a good parent. Either way, I can’t listen to “Cold Day in June” without wanting to channel my inner “Celine” and belt it out like I did with Haven. Man, I miss that crazy girl! She now lives in Logan and works as a corrections deputy and firefighter. I think she needs to come visit me. :P

The second synaptic misfiring song was “Goodbye Earl” also by the Dixie Chicks (what can I say, my friends are as weird as me). This song makes think of the above mentioned Haven, her brother Hawken (don’t even ask – their parents went with more original names – but I love ‘em), and our good friend Katie. Now, the story of this song is a little different. Yes, we loved it. Every time it would play we would blast it and sing (well, scream) along. But, that’s not all. I heard rumor that the trio decided one day to make a “music video” to the song. So, Hawken was the unlucky Earl that Katie & Haven got to snuff out. I also heard that it also included some interesting “interpretive dancing” by Katie. Now, I was never allowed to see said video. I think they were too embarrassed to show the public. But, I can imagine it. And it’s pretty good in my head. And now, I miss Katie too. She up and ran away with her husband and son because apparently he had to get a PhD in another state. And now she’s going to have another kid . . . far from us. But, regardless of where she is, I’ll always have the Dixie Chicks induced synaptic misfiring.

In conclusion – if my old friends read this – I MISS YOU. And thanks for giving me rays of joy (no matter how insane) in the otherwise hit-and-miss memories.

Julie: "Let the sick kids die"

2008-06-02T18:19:00.000-04:00

So, the other day Julie and I were hanging out with my good friend (and hopefully future boss) Chris. We chatted at home for a while (poor Chris, he always seems to come over when Julie and I are in "odd and possibly inappropriate" conversation mode - wait, we're always like this). Anyhoo, recently I have been frustrated that I still do not know of some really good "hole-in-the-wall" mom & pop restaurants to replace my old Utah County favorites (I have found that I'm not feeling the love for the chain places much as of late). Particularly, really good Mexican food. I'm also a bit bewildered that our downstairs neighbors (who both grew up in this city) don't know anything either. So, Julie researched into the restaurant down the street and we decided to give it a try (hey, if I can find an online coupon, I'll try anything - well, almost).

Salsa Leedo's = mediocre. The food was ok. The service was "meh." Some of the staff qualified as "skody" -- which is a good ole Spanish Fork term for trashy/ucky. I thought the food would be worth repeat (at least while I search for my new favorite) - but Julie was no happy. The server told her that the chile verde sauce was not spicy at all . . . and her mouth was on fire as she ate (sidebar: since chemo, Julie can't do spicy. It kicks her trash). I DID like the fact that the drink cups were almost big enough to fit 2 liters. I DO love my Pepsi.

After the dinner, Chris asked if either of us were interested in seeing the new Narnia movie. Well, Julie LOVES Narnia. So, heck yeah. We went to the theatre right behind the restaurant. Well, the first 30 min while in the theatre were ads. Mostly for Verizon. It almost was like a movie/advertisement. Kinda odd. Well, the last ad was for Children's Miracle Network. It was all warm and fuzzy "help the kids" "work miracles" etc etc. Well at the end, in her "not too quiet" voice, Julie did a big raspberry and enthusiastic two thumbs down. Now, I know that she has an old friend that worked there and was somewhat unhappy about their business ethics. However, the rest of the people in the theatre don't know that. They just know that after a moving, heart-warming spot encouraging people to donate to make miracles happen for terminally ill children, some wack-job crazy lady boo'ed it. She should have just stood up and shouted "Let all the sick children die! Who cares about them, anyway?! Survival of the strongest!! Wahoo!!" It would have had the same effect.

FUNNIEST THING EVER

2008-06-01T21:26:00.000-04:00

So, Vanessa and I were just watching a "blooper" show on TV. This clip was on there. We both lost it. Sorry the You Tube quality is poor (looks like someone just pointed the camera at their TV - but it's still FUNNY).

Rice Crispie Elephant

2008-06-01T17:26:00.000-04:00

This was from Momma Cindy's b-day back in Feb . . . but I have yet to post it. Actually, it took a LONG time to get it from the camera to the computer . . .

I am obsessed with monkeys. Mom is obsessed with elephants. Julie was making a cake - but we couldn't figure out how to make an elephant cake. So, being that I have watched my share of cake decorating contests on the Food Network (talk about not helping my own hetero street cred there . . . ) I thought . . . they often mold with rice crispie. That can't be so hard. I mean, I LOVE rice crispies. And they're gooey and stickey. Should work.

After a few hours and 3 BATCHES of rice crispie treats . . . this was the result.

Needless to say, mom LOVED it. It was a big hit at the Sunday gathering. However, due to the fact that you have to COMPACT the stuff for it to keep shape, eating it was not as enjoyable as I had hoped. But, I guess they always say that eating an elephant is a large chore!

My Post-LDSFS Rebellion

2008-06-01T17:06:00.000-04:00

So, since I was done with LDS Family Services, I thought that I should do something with my new-found freedom. Yeah, they made me look like a missionary. Short hair, clean shaven, and daily shirt & tie. I'm not a huge fan of that much control. I like being able do look more "wild." So, I decided to celebrate with a new hair style.

When I graduated from BYU, I started growing my hair out. It got pretty long - I even highlighted it once. I liked it.

This is me with Katie's son, Jaser.

Then LDSFS came into the pic. So, I had to cut it off. I still had fun when I wasn't at work, doing things such as the faux-hawk. As can be seen from our trip to vegas.

Similarly, I decided to shake things up now that I no longer have to be LDSFS-approved. So, I went to the Taylor Andrews Academy in West Jordan for some STYLE. I decided to go for the faux-hawk look + coloring. I think it turned out well . . .

I appologize for those who have seen me in the last month, and find that this is old news. I thought that my peeps that have exiled from Utah might be interested. Besides, I REALLY liked the cut and color, so I best keep proof for future generations. This actually happened like 5 weeks ago, and it's time for me to get it trimmed again.

GRADUATION PICS

2008-06-01T17:00:00.000-04:00

So, everyone knows I'm a slacker. After ONE month . . . I've finally got grad pics online. They are here. You can look. Nothing too exciting. But I AM glad that it's over!!

Clay Aiken did WHAT?!

2008-06-01T16:10:00.000-04:00

Maybe it's better that little David A. didn't win Idol. I mean, where you look at some of the previous "losers" - some have arrived at quite some notoriety. Let's take Clay Aiken for example. He was 2nd Place (or biggest loser, whichever way you want to see it) a few seasons back. Ruben Studdard, the winner . . . nobody knows what has become of him. I think that he was massacred by a demonic zombie Reuben sandwich that I believe Mr. Studdard was named after. I could be wrong though. I think my only "source" on that one was a banana-driven nightmare that I had a while back.

Anyway, little impish David has a great role model of what to do after one loses Idol. Keep plugging away and ride that fame train for as long as you can. And if people aren't captivated by your music anymore, you can always play the "Are You Gay" game with the media, eventually declaring yourself as asexual (from lack of time . . . ) and fathering a test-tube baby with a 50 year old music producer. To quote my favorite-movie-of-time, 10 Things I Hate About You, I believe this would place Clay as a resident of Planet "Look at me! Look at me!!" I know when I was feeling like the ugly-duckling unpopular kid in high school, I always turned to pharmaceutical baby-making with soon-to-be senior citizens.

Now, this is freaky for several reasons. First, Clay Aiken has reproduced. But instead of the "falling in love and getting down with it" kind of reproduction, he chose the "Dixie Cup" variety. With someone old enough to be his own mother. So, not only does this place Clay out of "asexual" but into a whole new variety of creepy-sexuality. As I said to Julie, this does little for his "hetero street cred." I mean, what kind of straight man wants the public to believe that he's A) completely lacking any sexual drive and B) would choose the Dixie Cup over an actual woman.

David Archuleta, you have some pretty big shoes to fill. If I were you, I'd take tips from Daughtry instead of Clay (or Clay Gaykin as Clark refers to him, according to Laurel).

(Side bar, Julie laughed at me for a long time after I coined the term "hetero street cred." I kinda like it. I might trademark it, so pay me money if you even think of using it. In retrospect, I blame the term on the fact that I've wandered into reruns of Will & Grace on TV and somehow channeled the character, Jack. I know, I shouldn't like that show, but I do. Sue me. Actually, upon discussing names once, Julie and I happened into realizing that we had selected the entire 4-person ensemble as the names for our future children - William & Jack after my grandfathers, Karen after a family friend of Juile, and Grace after an awesome Ben Folds song, written for his own daughter named Gracie. Maybe we'll name the dog Rosario)

President Bush Visits Utah

2008-06-01T15:45:00.000-04:00

So, apparently President Bush came to visit Utah recently. I guess he was trying to get Utahans to give him money (as if his connections to the oil industry have left him feeling the pinch of the downturned economy . . . wait, the news media would not like me to say we are in a recession. There is no recession. Just like there is no rice/food shortage in the world. Yeah, keep eating your Big Macs and watching your Plasmas with the Stimulus Package the government is sending our way. I mean, we wouldn't get a Stimulus Package if the economy was down . . . it's just a bonus for us being such an awesome country. I guess the news media also doesn't want us to think about the fact that gas prices continue to rise while an oil baron is in the white house. Yeah, that's just an unlucky coincidence. I'm sure that Pres. Bush has been true in his 2005/6 State of the Union Address when he promised to reduce our dependence on Middle East oil by like 25% -- good thing that the far minority of oil we use comes from Iraq, and most comes from South America. Way to promise to reduce oil dependence by like overall 2%. I mean, I LOVE spending 25% of my paycheck to be able to make it back to work the next day).

Now, for those of you that know my political orientation (can we say Democrat), you may be wondering why I know about the Pres' visit. Was I interested AT ALL? Nope. Was I excited that our President was coming to mooch money off of the Utahan public? Nope. I only knew this because of A) KSL told me. (Sidebar, my temp job doesn't keep me busy the entire 40 hrs/week I'm there, so I have a lot of time that I spend on KSL, Google News, and Wikipedia). And 2) one of the bosses at UCAT (also named Brian - we're good people) called while he was coming into work the other day to ask if I could get the phone number of the Utah Highway Patrol to see why the entire freeway was shut down. Come to find out, it was for Pres Bush's motorcade back to the airport. I guess we need to prevent 1/2 of Salt Lake Valley getting to work on time because the president is going to catch a private flight.

So, I was thinking about this. Being that President Bush's approval rating is worse that that for the Herp, I was wondering what kind of terrorist would want to off him at this point? I mean, he's pretty much a lame duck already. We have a few more months left with him in office. What's more . . . I think we're pretty much worse off the longer he's in office. If I were an enemy of the US, I would be praying that somehow President Bush found a way to stay in office LONGER. That would make more sense. Perhaps if someone really wanted to keep us down for the count, they could find way for Bush to run in 08 as a black woman. Maybe the people who made all those Eddie Murphy movies. Beyond that, if something were to happen to Pres Bush, we'd then have Cheney. And let's be honest. If he doesn't like a foreign power, he'll just mistake it for a duck and blast away. But next time he would likely have a nuclear weapon and not just a shotgun. (Sidebar, why is the Penguin our Vice President anyway? No wonder that Bat Signal has been MIA for some time.) Either way . . . I see that keeping Bush in office would be in the best interest of Osama or the Teletubbies at this point. Not to mention, I think that maybe Zebras would be a better idea for security on this one. Let's announce where the president is, then make him the only person on the road for miles. Looks like a pretty obvious bulls-eye to me, and I don't mean the Target variety.

The Library Makes me Uncomfortable

2008-06-01T15:33:00.000-04:00

So, a while back, Julie and I were in Seagull Book looking for Mother's Day presents. I was looking in the "self-help" section at various books. I like looking at what is out there, so I have possibilities to refer to my clients I work with. Well, I made a list of the books I wanted to read to expand my therapy knowledge base. I then went to the Salt Lake County Library website and placed holds on said books. I LOVE the county library system up here. Just request a book ANYWHERE in the system and they transfer it to your local library and hold it for you. It's a good thing.

So, I get an email telling me 3 of my books are ready. So, I wander to the library one day after work to get the books. Well the three that were read were 1) Confronting Pornography 2) Happiness is a Choice and 3) In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction. Like I said, these seemed like good books to read to expand my theoretical framework of therapy. However, when I went to the counter with these 3 books, I started to think what this combination looks like . . . Pornography Addiction + Depression + LDS Same Sex Attraction. Wow. That's an awesome combination. I have to be honest, I felt a little shy/embarrassed at first. But, then I thought . . . I have nothing to be embarrassed of. I can read any book I want. Not to mention that I try to convince my clients that they need not be embarrassed of their imperfections/problems. So, I held my head high and look the young man straight in the eye while he checked out the books that made me look like a religious man addicted to gay porn.

It was still uncomfortable.

Ongoings of the Brian

2008-06-01T15:09:00.000-04:00

For those of you who are wondering what is going on in my life . . . I will let you know!! So, since the joys of graduation (FAKE graduation, that is . . . The U likes to dangle the thought of being done in front of me for my last semester there), life hasn't been too crazy. Hence the lack of blogs. This is my life: work, sleep, eating. That's it. I'm working PT for a company called Clinical Consultants teaching classes at the Day Reporting Center for Adult Probation and Parole. I teach the convicts such fun as substance abuse (how NOT to do it), parenting (how NOT to screw over your kids), life skills (why their lives have been less that successful), and anger management (how NOT to let your fists do the talking). Honestly, not my cup of tea. I prefer to use my therapy skills to help people who are more invested in changing - and don't think they already have the world figured out (which, if that is the case, why are you seen as a danger in society). However, I do like the job. It's just not what I'd like to to long-term full-time (but being that I still can't get my higher license yet . . . gotta do something.

After about 2 weeks of near unemployment life, I found a Full-Time work endeavor as a temp at the Utah College of Applied Technology. I'm working as the Administrative Assistant to the President. It's a pretty good gig. They like me (would probably keep me if I applied . . . but being a secretary isn't what I had in mind when I went to get my masters). The office is located at The Gateway which is a pretty nice place to work. The company "gym" is just down the hall from my desk, so it's also nice to be able to spend my lunch hour exercising. I've decided that I actually find physical exercise quite easy to do when it's A) less than 50 feet from my current location and B) doesn't require me to get up early or come home late. I also LOVE the location because just a few weeks before I started there TRAX finished the extension so there is a stop right in front of the office. This means I drive only 3 miles to the Midvale Trax Station and then ride in comfort to downtown. I've already read 3.5 Narnia books in the 3 weeks I have worked there. AND BEST OF ALL, I drive the same distance in ONE week that I was going in ONE day when I was working between the U and LDSFS in Am Fork. Being that it now costs $50+ to fill my car . . . this is an incredible bonus. I'm supposed to continue working at UCAT for another week until my classes start (the ONE week of classes June 9-13) -- but I have the feeling I might come back after that week because I don't think they have found the permanent replacement yet. I'd be OK with that. As far as temp jobs go, I couldn't ask for better. If they don't need me back, I'll go back to the UTemps service and find something on campus to work at until I officially graduate. It's all good.

Other ongoings of Brian . . . a few weeks back we had a belated graduation party at the "Big House" belonging to our friend, Kenton. I had a bunch of my school friends and some of Julie's friends up to the house where we had a bbq. It was hecka fun. Memorable moments: A) my friends reactions to the "tour" of the MASSIVE house. It's like 9000 sq. ft. with such insanity as a hydrospa hot tub with built-in DVD/Plasma TV, ginormous theatre room, and mountain top views of the Salt Lake Valley and mountains. It's right next to the new Draper LDS Temple. B) Playing Rock Band on the very large projection system in the theatre room. HECKA FUN. I think that we'll have to go up for another movie/x-box party . . . It's nice to have contacts. :P

Update on the Spider Bites . . . they've healed. No horridly hideous wounds on my arms. However, there are still faint marks left. It actually looks like "track marks" from IV drug use. So, for a while I was wearing long sleeves at my substance abuse job -- didn't want my clients to think I had fallen off the wagon. I like to think of myself as a walking anti-drug campaign (probably not a very good one, though).

Spider Buffet

2008-05-07T19:24:00.001-04:00

If any of you were unaware . . . I HATE SPIDERS. I just wanted to set the record straight. If I see a spider in my house - I kill it. I don't care that it is "God's creature." In fact, someday I plan on having a lengthy conversation with God as to what he was thinking when he concocted the idea of a spider. I mean, really. Julie says it's because we need them to eat other insects. I disagree. I'm pretty sure that with as smart as God is - he could find a Plan B (or even a Plan C-Z for that matter). I also disagree with Julie due to the following: I am becoming a friggin spider buffet!
Yeah, that's my arm. The red areas - bites. Lots and lots of bites. They're on the other arm too. And my leg. They hurt. A lot. Yesterday they also had a nice ring of red around each, which led me to look at "spider bites" on Google. Not a good idea. Suddenly I was afraid that my arm flesh was going to become necrotic and fester. Not a pretty picture? Imagine fearing that as the future of your appendages.

So, I'm trying to be logical. Spiders don't typically attack humans unless they feel in danger. So, I'm thinking that I must have rolled onto a spider while I was sleeping Sunday night. And then Tuesday morning I woke up with even more on the other arm and my leg. So apparently the spider keeps coming back for more. And does Julie have any spider bites? Nope. Now, I'm glad that my wife is not being eaten alive, but I have to wonder . . . WHY ME? I still hate spiders - especially those who want to overtake my bed!!

I did go to the doctor today. He's pretty sure they're spider bites. Most likely Hobo Spider. Possible Brown Recluse. I get to do the "wait and see if they get worse" game. I love waiting for serious problems. Fun for me. So, tomorrow I'm going to bug bomb the bedroom. Enjoy the last night of the Brian buffet . . . tomorrow you die!!

Cat for Sale

2008-04-25T19:49:00.000-04:00

Please refer to this post on Julie's blog for the background to this story . . .

Cat for Sale:

For sale, 2005 House Cat (Felis catus). Two-tone white and orange coloring with Hitler-esque trim. Upgrades include, claw-less braking and removal of internal male sex organs (these posed to be detrimental to this model). Answers to the name "Howie" (but also answers to "Retard", "Monster", and sometimes even "Tweedle Dumb" - so I don't think it matters much). Loves dry cat food, but appears to not know when to stop eating. Has an irrational fear of water (ok, maybe that's rational for a cat) but for some stupid reason won't stop splashing around in the water dish. Also loves to watch the "DVD" logo bounce around on the TV while movies are paused - and to chase the cursor on computers. Selling because he's too stupid to stop throwing water around the bathroom and knocking things over even though he's been threatened several times. Please make offer.

Possible Graduation Present . . .

2008-04-25T19:18:00.000-04:00

So, my sister-in-law (Vanessa) sent me a fun link. The item listed today was this:

Desktop Warfare - USB Missile Launcher Kit with Software Control

Connect to your USB port, you'll use a software guided aiming system to shoot foam missiles upto 10 feet. Take back control of your office. Shipping just $5 to your home or office.
Yugster Price: $21.95

So, I would REALLY love this. Oh my, would it be incredible fun. Whoever invented this is my new hero. Seriously, it includes software that helps you aim and shoot missiles. Now, imagine even more fun of using a remote access to the computer to shoot your coworkers from home when they're not expecting it. Yeah, that would be awesome. So, if any of you are thinking graduation present . . .

I think Jesus taught us about hypocrisy . . .

2008-04-25T18:03:00.000-04:00

I vaguely remember the bible teaching me about hypocrisy. Then, today while I was driving down 4th South in SLC I saw this . . .

Again, I realize the image isn't great. It's from the I-wish-I-were-a-camera Blackberry. This was a nice little Suzuki driving next to me. The small bumper sticker says "I Buy American First." Now, I'm really happy to see someone wanting to support American workers . . . but last I checked Suzuki was NOT an American car company. Yeah, Suzuki sounds pretty . . . I don' know . . . Japanese! Not that I'm against Japanese cars - I LOVE my Nissan and Mazda. But I wouldn't use them to encourage others to buy American-made products.

(And, before anyone tries to discredit me by stating that many foreign car companies now have US plants where the cars are manufactured . . . still not an American company. Nike is made in some crazy sweat shop in rural India. Now THAT's an American company!)

Ben Folds is AMAZING live!!

2008-04-24T14:32:00.000-04:00

So, Julie and I went to the Ben Folds concert last night. It rocked! He's really good live. He did some interesting things - like putting stuff (tins, etc) ON the piano strings. It was cool. Did NOT enjoy the venue (SaltAir - I hate that place) and of coarse there were stupid people around. Utah concerts . . . We got to see the compassion of Utah drivers as nobody was letting people merge in order to clear out the parking lot. Boo.

We made it in time for one opener. He was ok. After a few songs, though - they all sounded the same. He did some funny stuff, though. He was having technical difficulties with his guitar during the first song, so he just held it up to the mic to catch the sound. However, he still needed to sing into the same mic - so he was trying to get his mouth and the guitar strings as close to the mic as possible. The result - looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame playing a guitar. Pretty amusing. He also sang a little tune about having a music video with Tiffany Amber Thiessen and getting to kiss her 5 times cause he is a lucky (well, I won't repeat his potty mouth . . . you can imagine). He kept pronouncing her last name as "Tea-sin" cause he's Brittish or retarded (I get those two confused). And, he did a "completely pointless instrumental solo" which is when "the band engages in something completely pointless for their own enjoyment." He pretty much ran the mic across the guitar strings and plucked at it with his teeth - sounded horrible but entertaining.

Yeah, so that was our concert experience. Ben Folds ROCKED. He can tickle those ivory very good! It is simply amazing to watch his hands literally FLY over the keyboard. I've never seen anything like it. His hands/fingers were just a blur - no kidding!! But Julie and I are starting to think that we're getting old. All the other concert goers just annoy us. However, it is worse at UT concerts than concerts out of state. Maybe that's a good reason to move . . .

Another fine example from TRAX

2008-04-23T19:54:00.001-04:00

So, this is from a few months ago - but I JUST remembered to post it!!

It's kinda hard to make out cause 1) I took it with my BlackBerry (not an actual camera, but a phone with multiple personality disorder) 2) I was sitting IN the train, taking a picture of this being outside . . . hence the odd glare of the hand that belonged to the guy sitting across from me and 3) I was trying to be somewhat sly in the taking of this pic. SO, let me tell you what I saw. This older guy with ghetto long hair, crazy child-molester mustache, black large hat, and long, black, leather trench coat. My thoughts of this creature I spotted in the wild . . . Old-school Western Character + Grim Reaper + Pimp. Yeah, this is what happens when you mix one too many styles into your look. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

Settle Down, Y'all - This is IMPORTANT!

2008-04-23T19:35:00.000-04:00

Here ye, here ye . . .

I'M GRADUATING!!

Yes, that is ME on my way to my Masters!! WAHOO! If only I didn't have summer semester to finish . . . Ya see, being in the 1 year program means that I still have 5 credits to finish during the summer (which I'm conveniently doing over one week in June) and then I technically get my degree in Aug. But the U only has ONE graduation ceremony each yeah - so here we have it. Wah-freakin-hoo! You may now shower me with riches and fine presents. :D

I'm in the process of finishing my LAST assignment of this semester. I'm slacking cause I really don't want to do it. But I will have it done before it's due on Friday. Probably will get it done tomorrow while I'm HOME all day - cause I don't have classes, internship, etc. Weee.

Yesterday was my LAST day at LDS Family Services (are we seeing a pattern here . . . LAST). Bittersweet. It's great to know I'm done and be able to move on (LDSFS wasn't really a good "home" for me) - but I will miss the clients I was working with. Several were none too happy that I was leaving - but that's the name of the game. I'm sure that the other therapists there can help them out.

So, now that I'm done with classes and internship (and SO close to being done with assignments) for a while I just want to GO CRAZY and have fun! And since I only have ONE WEEK of summer classes - I'm considering myself done for all intents and purposes. :P I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done!!

Randomness of today -- while Julie and I went to get food on her lunch break (we went to Wienerschnitzel cause I wanted a hot dog (because apparently the one I at at Sam's Club just 20 minutes earlier wasn't enough). No, my current obsession with mystery meat in a bun (yes, please try to dissuade me by telling me what or how it's made -- I'll still eat it! For heaven sakes, I ate dog knowingly!!) is NOT the randomness of the day (although enjoyable). The randomness is that I saw a 1st generation Altima with FLAMES on it. However, the flames were BACKWARDS. So, it makes me wonder . . . does the car so super fast in reverse, or is the owner just unstable. The mental health professional in me is siding with the latter.

Can someone help me with this one?

2008-04-23T18:55:00.000-04:00

So . . . I've recently realized that I have a small problem that is leading to some embarrassing situations. Here's my problem . . . . I can't tell if the women I see around the world are pregnant or have learned to swallow their food whole like a snake (which is really cool - I still haven't figured out how on earth to accomplish this). Imagine the embarrassment I've felt when I asked women when they are due only to get the response - "No, I'm not pregnant, I just ate a whole bucket of KFC.") Man, this is seriously going to cause me social distress if I don't get this figured out!!

And Her Name Shall Henceforth be Known As . . . .

2008-04-16T16:19:00.000-04:00

As previously stated by my husband, we have a new addition to our family. After much debate, her name has been decided upon. She shall be known as Pebbles. You may wonder why? Well, when everyone thought she was a gold car, I got the response: "You should call her Goldie Hawn"
Thankfully, she isn't really gold. The color on her Clairol box is "Pebble Ash Metallic." And she just feels like a Pebbles.
Brian fought me all the way on this. He though Ashley would be a better name. Well, Pebbles didn't want to be called Ashley, or Ash, or anything remotely close to that. She's just a Pebbles. :) Finally, Brian relented. However, his relinquishing of the naming of the car did not go without a warning. He said to me: "Don't think I'll give in that easily when we're naming our kids." (We'll see about that.)
So, please welcome Pebbles to the family. We are a little concerned about Gwen and Howie feeling some jealousy, but they will have to get over it. Hopefully, Sheila has gone to a better place. Pebbles is great fun to drive, and she has bells and whistles that I have not had before. I like being able to walk away from my car and then lock it. :) Simple pleasures go a long way for me.
Please feel free to ask for a spin in the 6. She likes going for rides. :)

Julie's New Ride

2008-04-09T12:31:00.000-04:00

A sad day has passed upon us. Julie's Saturn (she named it Sheila -- I don't name cars) was diagnosed with heart problems and the dealer stated that she needed a replacement. (Meaning we needed to spend about $2500-3500 for a new engine in a 2001 Saturn (moral of the story = not cost effective.) Soon after the diagnosis, Sheila made her desire to leave evident as she stopped wanting to GO. I guess older people shuffle around and don't have much pick-up-and-go . . . but I didn't think she was THAT elderly. Stupid Saturn. 100K miles and time for a new engine (my Altima is 1 year older with 10K more miles and still perfectly happy). Won't be returning to Saturn again.

So, in a whirlwind stream of events, we got approved and found a new car for Julie. We decided to "up size" - cause, ya know, we want to have kids someday, so it needs to be car seat friendly. We looked at Accord, Camry, Altima, and Mazda6. Well, we lucked into a trade-in that was WAY below blue book value. So, we bought it. Now, to introduce it to the world. Julie's New Mazda6!

It's a 2005 with only 32K miles! Quite a step up from a 2001 Saturn SL1 with 102K miles, eh? Here's some pics for you to enjoy!

Here's a front view. Julie asked if it was a "Julie car" - I'd say YES!

And an inside view. It's been well cared for - no spots or blemishes to the interior.
And the instrument cluster. As you can see - radio controls on the steering wheel (which I'm quite fond of!) The previous owner installed a Kardon iPod Drive + Play - but it doesn't seem to be functioning well. So, that LCD screen is probably going to disappear unless I can figure what's its malfunction.

We're happy that we've "upgraded." (But still very frustrated at the Saturn fiasco.) Hopefully it will behave well - and we'll probably take it on our road trip to Vegas this weekend to Julie's cousin's baby blessing. Yeah!

Amazing Virtual Pee Experience from Japan

2008-04-03T11:20:00.000-04:00

The play mechanics are simple. Prepare yourself by strapping on the included belt harness and jacking in your Wiimote. A series of toilets are presented on screen and the challenge is to tilt your body to control a never-ending stream of pee. Get as much pee in the toilets as you can while spilling as little on the floor as possible. Sounds easy eh? Well the toilets open and close whack-a-mole style and occasionally the stray cat or other cute critter pops up. Spray a cat for extra points. Get too much pee on the ground and your game is over. With realistic fluid dynamics for the pee and over 100 different bathrooms from bars and palaces to automatic Japanese style toilets you'll be entertained for hours. And wait until your friends see the multi-player mode with dueling pee streams...

According to the Japanese text on the box "Super Pii Pii Brothers promotes good bathroom skills and allows women to experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing." What we say is that virtual peeing is fun! (taken from http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/superpiipii.html)

Anybody home?

2008-03-13T15:42:00.001-04:00

I think this blog is broken. I check it all the time and there is never anything new. Maybe they didn't put the spoon down and PETA found out. Hmmm, I quess I will never know.

The Real Hot-or-Not

2008-02-07T14:51:00.000-05:00

If you haven't seen this - it's amusing.

Exam Frustration

2008-02-06T11:38:00.000-05:00

This is another funny email that I received a bit ago.
One of my all-time favorites!

Let's face it, we've all been frustrated in exams . . .

This one is cut of a little - so here is the question and answer:
Q: "An engineer designed an ocean liner that would extract heat from the oceans waters. He thought he had a good idea, but his boss fired him. Explain"
A: "Because he slept with his boss' wife."

Also cut of a little:
Q: "Suppose you set out to determine if X0 cats are phenotypically female, but you can't directly look at chromosomes. What kitten colors (with respect to orange, calico, and black) would you look for in one specific color cross?"
A: "I would check to see if it had a vagina"

This last one is somewhat "off color" and some might find it offensive, so I give you the choice of seeing it by clicking here.

SNOW=KILL TRIGGER

2008-02-06T11:11:00.000-05:00

I HATE SNOW! I HATE WINTER! I HATE SNOW IN THE WINTER! I HATE STUPID PEOPLE DRIVING IN THE SNOW!

Ok, I've got that out of my system somewhat. So, I'm thinking that being a social worker and all into social action and whatnot that I should use my community intervention skills to rid us of this snow. I mean, come on, enough is enough. It was all cute when the first snow came before Halloween - but I say "UNCLE!" I heard that Utah is at 150% of normal snow fall. Great, now we're going to jump from "Conserve water - it's a drought" to "Oh good mother of monkey pies, the Great Salt Lake has overtaken my neighborhood and State Street has class 3 rapids!" So, being that each year we're feared into believing that we're on the brink of utter demise from the presence or lack of water - I feel that it is high time that we gain a voice and tell someone to stop this insanity. I call for a petition. A petition to call Chuck Norris into action. I mean, if the man has God-like qualities that can stop a black hole, then he can certainly stop all this stupid snow. Or at least he can arm wrestle God (yes, I believe in a corporal God) into a showdown. I mean, I could accept a black hole if I had tried to divide by zero (gasp!) -- but I have not even attempted any faulty mathematical operations to deserve this snow. Please, Chuck, find it within your heart to reach down to us suffering Utahans and save us from utter demise. If you're with me, let's get a petition going to put Chuck Norris' bat-crazy skills into good work.

The things one hears on public transportation

2008-02-05T12:45:00.000-05:00

So my wonderful wife, Julie Rae, decided to buy me tickets to the Blue Man Group as a Valentine's Day present. Being that they were performing in SLC on Feb 2, I got my present a little early :) If you don't know, I'm a HUGE Blue Man fan. Here I am with the wax Blue Men in Vegas (I'm not sure where my pic with the actual LIVE people is right now). Anyhoo, If you've never seen them, GO. It's worth the arm and leg you spend in Vegas.

So as to avoid traffic, we took TRAX to the venue. On the way back, we were standing next to an interesting pair of young men. Ok, they were plain WEIRD . . . possibly even in the freak category (what is the official cutoff?). I'm sure you've seen guys like this. The kind that will never see a naked woman in real life. Yeah. Throughout the 30 min ride, we were eavesdropping into their conversations (Julie's favorite public game) about comics, video games, the things that a 12 year old would go on about. But these two were probably closer to 22 than 12. Well, we both keyed into their conversation for this gem of a quote:

"It's impossible to divide by zero. Dividing by zero will create a black hole in your universe, and only Chuck Norris is awesome enough to stop a black hole."

Wow. As a mental health professional, there is so much I would like to fix with this situation. Julie and I had to bite our tongues to not bust up laughing. So, we have 2 questions . . . 1) What other imaginary catastrophes are created when a novice attempts math, and 2) what happens if Chuck Norris is on vacation every time our math skills spark the utter demise of the universe as we know it? Is there no one else that could possibly stop such a thing? Perhaps a math tutor?

So, now not only do I LOVE Blue Man - I also love the great view of our American public one sees when they take a journey on public transit. If you haven't tried it - I would highly recommend it. Maybe some other day I can share my experience of being chased by a drunk man with a shard of aluminum can on the bus in South Korea.

Bread with Attitude

2008-02-05T12:42:00.000-05:00

Julie's younger sister emailed her the following bread recipe.

"Quick 2-hour butter crust bread.com

3 cups warm water

3 pkgs. dry yeast....roughly translated...3 tablespoons

1/3 cup suga

3 tbsp. oil (cooking oil, not car oil)

6-61/2 cups unsifted whole wheat flour

1 tbsp. salt

1 cup powdered milk

Mix water, yeast, suga, and oil. Sift (which is to lightly fold) dry ingredients together and add to mixture. Let stand in warm place for 15 minutes. (no sitting or leaning) Knead (pronounce K-need) well for 10 minutes.Form into loaves and place in two well greased (lightening) loaf pans. Let rise for 15 minutes in warm oven (80 degrees ish) Remove bread and heat oven 350 to 375 (pick one or the other) Replace in oven (just the bread no need to replace the whole oven. although sears might be having a sale) and bake for 50-55 minutes.

Mom said she "pounds" the dough into the cookie sheets and brushes the butter over the top. Then sprinkles the cheese goodness and garlic stuff on top. Then she cuts them. Then she cooks them. Then she takes them out. Then I eat 'em.

I should never be allowed to email recipes. I find them very boring. So I add my own commentary"

If someone wrote a cookbook that was enjoyable to actually read - I'd buy it!! Laurel, I think you found your new major at BYU - Cookbook Humorologist.

Prepare for Tax Season . . .

2008-02-05T12:37:00.000-05:00

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. He decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to “God, USA” they decided to send it to the President. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

“Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC and they deducted $95.00 in taxes.”

The Absolute AWESOMENESS of Olan Mills

2008-02-05T11:22:00.000-05:00

So, I received this in my email - and it was SO funny that I had to post it. ENJOY!!

Those glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne.

Thoughtful Lance. Mirthful Lance. Two sides of a delightful coin.

Drake won Most Awesome Senior Mullet by a landslide.

That dude wore a tie for nothing

The Purvis family made several stops along the Oregon Trail to document their six-month journey. This photo was taken just two weeks before the dysentery took Momma to Jesus.

I wanted a shot like this for my wedding. The Mrs. said no.

It's called a leisure suit, ladies and germs, and if you didn't have one in the early 70s, you were a big fat loser. Mine was teal. I wore it with a silk floral shirt and a long necklace with a football player pendant that we all got at that year's team banquet. I was THE MAN.

Once they had two or three, how did they ever find enough time alone to make more? (I can't say much here - my parents didn't stop until 8. Can we say MORMON?!)

Olan Mills backdrop #4: Bucolic Meadow with Split Rail Fence. Is that an animal carcass behind her?

A pose like this will get you kicked right out of the Convention.

Bobbi isn't the first waitress to fall for her manager, but she and Dale both got fired from Denny's.

Rejected Toby Keith album cover.

Just a typical afternoon down on the plantation. In a business suit. Y'know, for a budget meeting with the slaves.

Dawn and her recently exhumed sister, Gorgotha, pose with Scraps. (This one just might be my favorite - I'm still laughing!!)

This photo isn't discolored. The 70s really were that Orange.

And don't miss the First Presbyterian Players as they perform "Godspell" next Wednesday night in the Fellowship Hall. Childcare will be provided. Please bring a covered dish. (The next Osmonds?)

Yes, they were kicked out too . . .

No comment . . .
(I think he could fit a Bipolar diagnosis)

Olan Mills Backdrop #11: The Library, one of their most popular themes, as seen in this photo of the young Unabomber and his wife.

The Library might be more believable if the shelves weren't sloping downhill. Is that a book on teen pregnancy?*

Olan Mills is all about versatility. The simple addition of a column turns this generic plantation into Ancient Greece - where apparently someone opened a Hair Cuttery.

Patrick broke ranks and chose drag over the bow tie.

You'd think Pearle Vision would throw in another two pairs for free.

Is this posing or bragging?

Kenneth and his prom date.

I got a $20 that says he drives a Camaro.

Hiroshima, 1945. The last known photo of Kelli and little Senor Loco. (This one took me a while - look at the ominous clouds in the background.)

Yes. Someone spent money on this.
(Julie, don't get any ideas!)

It's so cute when couples have matching hairdos. (Do you think Goldie Hawn knew about Kurt Russell's second family?)

Talk about a third wheel . . . or just another nude photo with her brothers? (It's amazing what Nick Lachey is doing for attention after Jessica Simpson left.)

Nothing says 1973 quite like denim and helmet hair . . . don't these kids have parents with matching hair too. (I know you're gonna scroll up to look)

Hey, No picking of the nose, little girl.

B-52's, the early years.

Ever wonder what in the world they were all looking at?

Revenge of the Sith Birds!!

2008-01-29T11:17:00.001-05:00

If ever you have been left with a bad taste in your mouth following a news report . . . you might enjoy this!!

Viva String Cheese!

2008-01-08T16:10:00.000-05:00

Ah, ha. Some have tried to bar me through legislative and practical measures - but I have finally met my home online. Welcome to the world of blogging. YEAH. For those of you that may visit me here, I warn that there is not likely anything to be edifying -- but completely random. To prove my point, I want to share with the world one of my favorite cartoons. I believe that I am also suffering from the 4th symptom - but I have been unable to find a doctor to diagnose my concerns. If you know one, let me know!!